


Redemption - A Negan Story

by mollybrew777



Series: Negan and May [1]
Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Character Study, Cinematic Style, Erotica, F/M, Falling In Love, Fate & Destiny, Internal Conflict, Intimate Character Study, JDM, Jeffrey Dean Morgan - Freeform, Romance, Vignettes, erotic romance, may - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-25
Updated: 2018-03-13
Packaged: 2019-03-09 05:30:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 37,277
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13474665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mollybrew777/pseuds/mollybrew777
Summary: Fifteen months after the outbreak, a young woman named Tuck is captured by a group of men calling themselves The Saviors. She is taken back to their compound and introduced to their leader--a formidable, charismatic man named Negan. An immediate attraction between the two draws them together, but their bond is soon threatened by the nature of the world in which they live and the flaws lying deep within their own souls. Freedom or shackles? Fear or love? There is always a choice, but only one choice leads to redemption.





	1. From Out of Nowhere

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> From Out of Nowhere - Faith No More  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H5FSLgKD5J4

The overhead door on the box truck rumbled open, sending the high afternoon sun streaming into the hold like waves. Tuck sat up and squinted at the light. She shielded her eyes from the glare as hurried silhouettes entered and began unloading the goods and supplies that had made the long trip with her here, to the Saviors' compound. She stood and stretched her legs, eyeing the open door no more than fifteen feet ahead. She figured there were too many people around for her to escape so she thought it best to be compliant, and whatever happened next, attempt to keep her damn mouth shut.

She was making her way to the door when a tall, lanky man side-stepped in front of her and held up his hands. "Where ya goin' there, girly girl?"

The man wore a checkered shirt and sported a dark mustache that hung down long and narrow on both sides of his mouth. A white ten gallon hat with a turquoise buckle sat squarely atop his head.

Well, someone wanted to be a cowboy, Tuck thought with a chuckle.

"Oh, is somethin' funny?" The man said, leaning forward as if hanging on Tuck's answer. When she didn't respond he threw his hands out to the sides. "'Cause from where I'm standin', you don't have nothin' to be laughin' about. You are in quite the predicament and you don't even know the half of it."

Two men from the cab of the truck crossed in front of the open door, carrying their moaning, bleeding friend. A large, blunt wound glistened red on the side of the man's head. The cowboy watched until they were out of sight and then wagged his finger at Tuck as if she were a disobedient child. "You're lucky we didn't beat the heavin' hell outta you for what you done to poor Clyde," he said.

The group of armed men could've beaten her, or worse, after they'd stormed and overtaken her in the woods, and Tuck hadn't understood why she'd been spared until she heard them discussing her fate back at camp. "We gotta take 'er to the compound," one of them had said, "'cause the boss is for sure gonna wanna deal with her hisself."

They had all guffawed and looked at Tuck as if she were the only one not privy to a dangerous secret. They had mentioned their boss's name over and over in their conversations, and with each time it was spoken a mysterious mix of fear and intrigue arose within her. Whomever this man was, he was the reason she was still alive, and his name was Negan.

***

The cowboy and another man wearing a leather jacket and mirrored sunglasses flanked Tuck, holding her arms as they escorted her down a long, bleak hallway. Low fluorescent lights buzzed overhead as they passed several metal doors bearing numbers painted in black. Tuck had kept track of every turn they'd made, and was going over a possible escape route in her mind, when the men stopped her in front of room number eleven.

The cowboy took a key from his pocket and unlocked the door, opening it wide and bowing low in front of Tuck in mocking invitation. The young woman entered and crossed almost to the bed, putting some distance between herself and the vile pair of curs who stepped into the room behind her.

"There's food in the fridge and cupboards, clothes in the closet, books on the shelves and various other wherefores and whatnots," the cowboy said as he walked forward and gestured around the room.

He put his hands on his bony hips and bobbed his head up and down as he continued. "Your comin's and goin's are restricted to not at all and never," he said, "and your door is to stay unlocked at all times. Negan's rules." The man leaned forward and put his face in uncomfortable proximity to Tuck's. "What do ya have to say about that, little missy?" he taunted.

Tuck replied before she could stop herself. "I say fuck Negan and fuck his rules."

The man grabbed Tuck by the arms and shook her hard. "I don't know who you think you are, little girl, goin' on with that defiant mouth of yours," he said, "but you're the property of The Saviors now." The cowboy darted his tongue in and out of his mouth and a greedy grin spread across his face. "You belong to Negan, and when he gets ahold of you he's gonna love skinnin' the hide off your sweet cunt and..."

Before he could finish his threat, a deep voice shot forth from the doorway, speaking in a short, rhythmic staccato. "My, my, my, what do we have here?"

Both men took a few stumbling steps back and dropped to their knees in clumsy, frightened kneels. Tuck looked toward the direction of the voice and her eyes set on a man staring at her as he leaned casually against the door frame, a barbed-wire covered baseball bat propped up on his right shoulder.

Negan.

The man took two long strides into the room. "Cal," he said, his eyes still trained on the young woman. "Was that any way to show our guest some fucking hospitality?"

Tuck couldn't tear her sight away from the tall, swaggering man whose presence filled the room. Her eyes drank him in—his dark hair and neatly trimmed beard swathed with broad strokes of gray. The leather jacket he wore that accentuated his broad shoulders and hung open in front revealing a white t-shirt clinging invitingly to his torso. His slim waist and hips encased in a pair of faded and perfectly fitting black jeans. Some foundation inside her shook as she looked at him and Tuck got no further in her appraisal before her cheeks burned hot and she dropped her eyes to the floor.

Fuck, she thought. It was the only word that came to her startled mind. Fuck fuck fuck, what the fuck?

"Both of you, out!" Negan commanded the men, and the two scurried off like rodents, slamming the door closed behind them. He took a few steps toward the young woman, swinging the bat low like a gentleman with a walking cane.

"I'm Negan," he said.

Please don't make me look at you, Tuck begged in her mind. Please don't make me look. Dear god, please...

"Look at me when I talk to you."

Tuck lifted her head. He was close enough for her to see the deep brown and green hues of his hazel eyes as they bore into her. She felt invaded by him, but the feeling was not wholly unpleasant.

"And you are...?"

"Tuck," the girl replied in a low voice.

Negan narrowed his eyes at her before breaking into a smile. "Tuck," he said, punctuating the word with a slight bending of his back and a drop of his right shoulder. "What in the blazing hell kind of a name is Tuck? I mean, it doesn't roll off the tongue as one would hope for a woman possessing your..." Negan took a hard, thorough appraisal of her and then spoke, barely moving his lips.

"...attributes."

Tuck blushed a deep red and looked away.

This girl needs to stop doing that shy, innocent, averting her eyes shit or else I'm not going to get through this without trying to fuck her, Negan thought. A palpable energy had built up between them and the man let it hang in the air for a few torturous moments before breaking the silence with an echoing tap of the bat on the concrete floor.

"Now, we must get to the matter at hand," he said. "I heard you had an interesting encounter with some of my men today." Negan pointed the tip of the bat at Tuck to emphasize the word you. "Don't get me wrong, doll face, I understand. It is a shitty, fucked up, kick-in-the-balls kind of world we live in, and some days you just gotta bust someone over the head to get it out of your system."

Negan took a hard side-swing through the air with the bat, followed by a couple of arching movements of his arm. He looked like he was warming up for something, but he was whistling a happy tune and this calmed Tuck's nerves despite the knot forming in her stomach.

Negan sensed a slight ease in the girl's worry and he seized the opportunity to strike. In one fluid movement, he lunged forward and wrapped his free arm all the way around her at the waist, pressing her body tight against him. Tuck tried to wiggle out of his grasp, but his embrace had pinned her arms to her sides and she was no match for the man's strength. He tucked the handle of the bat into his belt loop and grabbed Tuck tight under her chin, his hand moving inside the cool, black leather of his glove like the lithe body of a snake undulating under its skin. 

The man brought his face within a breath of hers and the color of his eyes changed and grew darker, colder. Tuck had ceased her attempts to pull away and she shivered under the brutal weight of his stare. His voice was quiet when he spoke. "You hurt one of my men. I don't appreciate it when someone hurts one of my people. It offends me. You don't want to offend me do you?"

Tuck shook her head no, moving as much as she could in his steel grip.

"And, you'll be a good girl for me from now on?"

Tuck's breath came in short gasps and her heart beat with such force, she could hear the quickening rhythm pounding in her head. She was paralyzed by fear and dizzy from the feeling of his body leaning into her.

"I asked you a fucking question, and I suggest you answer me." Negan's face was so close to hers she could feel his breath caress her skin as he spoke. Tuck shrank as far away from him as she could and nodded her reply.

"I don't want to have to punish you but I will, and I promise you," Negan turned Tuck's head to the side and brought his lips to her ear. "You won't enjoy it nearly as much as I will."

Tuck let out a quiet gasp and the man reveled in his effect on her. Negan silently thanked whatever providence had brought him this sweet gift and he decided she was best unwrapped slow, so he could savor every delicious moment. He lifted his head and stared again into the young woman's eyes. Her gaze was filled with fear and some other deeper, more sensual emotion—one she was trying her best to keep at bay. The look was not lost on Negan.

"Do we understand each other?" he said.

"Yes," she whispered.

"Yes, what?"

"Yes.....Negan? Sir?" Tuck replied, hoping to land on the right answer.

"Either one will do," he said, "but I sure like the sound of my name on those pretty lips of yours." Tuck's eyes widened and Negan had to stifle a growl. He felt like the big bad wolf, baring his teeth and sniffing all around poor, lost, defenseless red riding hood. He grinned and filed this faery tale visual he'd conjured of the two of them in the back of his mind. He wanted to ponder more on that later.

Negan released Tuck from his grip and took a step back. He grabbed the baseball bat from his belt loop and stretched his arms out wide. "Welcome to The Sanctuary," he said, flashing a broad smile that caused deep dimples to cleft his cheeks under his beard.

He looked around the small room before settling his sights back on Tuck. "I know it's not much to look at, but if you need anything, and I do mean anything, you just ask me, doll face. I am here to serve at your pleasure." Negan shot her a seductive wink before continuing. "Oh, and old Cal was right. Stay in your room and leave your door unlocked until I tell you, you can come out. Those are the rules. I know you said fuck me and fuck my rules, and half of that can be arranged, but I think you know by now it's in your best interests to do as I say." He knew she had caught his innuendos, but her face did not betray it.

Subtlety would be the way to go with this one, he thought. Subtle and soft, like a spider spinning a web to lure in their unsuspecting prey. "You know, sweetheart, I happen to think you and I are going to get along just swimmingly," he said. He reached out and picked up a pendant that hung from a silver chain around Tuck's neck and moved the small bauble between his fingers. "A bumble bee?" he said with a genuine smile. He set the pendant back down on her chest next to her heart, adjusting its position so his fingertips could graze her skin.

Negan looked down into the young woman's heart-shaped face, and he was reminded of the blonde-haired, milky-skinned china dolls his mother had collected when he was a child. Like them, her eyes were round and wide and deep blue. The color reminded him of storm clouds and he allowed himself to get lost for a moment in their shadows.

Negan realized he'd stared at her for a little too long when the attention caused her to bite softly on her bottom lip. He felt his manhood stir and awaken but he ignored it. He knew this girl wanted him; he had seen as much in her face when she looked him over and then turned away in a blush.

He wanted her too.

This feeling was nothing new to Negan—he wanted to fuck a lot of women on sight, but there was something else with this one.

Negan was caught off guard by an untrustworthy emotion, a strange apparition attempting to surface and creep into his mind since he'd gotten lost for a moment in the young woman's eyes. He tried to restrain the feeling and regain the control he so prided himself on possessing, but the ghost hovered in his awareness, refusing for now to obey and be silent.

"Well, I think our little chat has been most productive," Negan said, turning on his heels to go. He wanted to end their exchange with some display of dominant bravado, but he fell short with a not so stern warning of, "Remember, door unlocked," as he exited the room and shut heavy metal door behind him.


	2. Wicked Garden

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wicked Garden - Stone Temple Pilots   
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lZgHdOU-ko

Tuck laid in her bed in the Saviors' compound, judging the time to be less than a half an hour before dawn. The room she'd been confined to was small, but more comfortable and amenable than the time she'd spent foraging for sustenance and seeking safety in the woods. Although Tuck felt safe here, there was a part of her that still longed for escape and she couldn't fathom why she didn't just pick up and go. She knew her escape route, and how to slip through the hallways and out the eastern fence without being detected. She wasn't being watched. She had everything planned down to the last footfall. So why, she asked herself, why did she stay?

Tuck thought over the last two weeks she'd spent as Negan's "guest" at The Sanctuary. He had come for daily visits to her room, taking it upon himself to ensure she was, as he put it, well and sufficiently entertained. Sometimes he would take her for walks around the grounds so she could stretch her legs and breathe in the cool, outside air. Most days, though, they just stayed behind the closed, metal door, Tuck sitting on the bed and Negan in a chair he had pulled over from the small dining table.

Tuck looked forward to the time he spent with her at each visit. Negan was an intelligent man, directing their conversations into depths that interested and often enlightened her. He seemed surprised Tuck could keep up with him, and he would often shoot her looks of mock displeasure when she was audacious enough to disagree with or correct him. Tuck also enjoyed her time with him because he made her laugh. Many times he had entered her room with a smile and told a joke that was so bad Tuck would be sent into giggling fits. "Hey, doll face, did you ever hear the one about the priest, the rabbi and the drunk monkey?" he had asked one day as he came in the door. Tuck had cackled so hard she fell off the bed, causing Negan to laugh until his eyes welled with tears.

The only time she felt conflicted or out of her element with him was when he threw out the occasional flirtation or sexual suggestion. Tuck couldn't help but feel paralyzed in those moments, and she would fall into a defensive silence at the feelings he aroused within her. Negan never pushed the issue when she retreated, he'd just mercifully change the subject and continue on as though nothing had happened. Tuck wished she could allow herself to be more open to him, but her response was too ingrained and too automatic to be changed. She'd stopped trying long ago.

Besides, Tuck was sure Negan had no need of her. She had been introduced to his parade of wives on one of their short walking tours of the compound. They were stunning and beautiful women and Tuck had judged herself far lacking in comparison. She supposed Negan's flirtations were just a game he'd designed to reinforce the control he had over her, much like his threats of punishment, and she knew he would act on neither with her.

Tuck watched the first hints of sunlight paint the slip of sky outside her window a dark, indigo blue. The morning was yet full of shadows and she could escape without anyone knowing—until Negan came to her room later that day and discovered it empty. He would be furious, but he would get over it. He would send no pack of hulking men to hunt her down and bring her back to him, and it wouldn't take long for her to slip from his memory, replaced by something or someone new to occupy his time.

These same thoughts had swirled in Tuck's mind every day since she was brought to the compound, but today was the first time she allowed herself to see another truth; the one preventing her from running for the door. She didn't escape because that would mean leaving Negan, and she had grown far too fond of him to stray from his side.

Tuck's heart fell at the realization. She buried her face in her hands and scolded herself for allowing him the room to slip in under her defenses, and for the first time since she'd left home, Tuck wept.

***

A few corridors away Negan laid awake in his bed, half-covered and alone. The early morning glow cast his room in broken and surreal light as he replayed the activities of the previous day in his mind. Negan didn't like chaos, unless it was of his own creation, and yesterday had been a mother fucking storm of shit. No one had been able to follow even the simplest of his instructions, and they had almost lost a half a dozen men and two loads of cargo because of it. Punishments had been swift and severe for the guilty, casting a pall of gloom over the entire compound.

As Negan thought back, the only bright spot in the whole wasteland of the day had been his visit with the girl. He had stepped into her room and she'd smiled, a warm and happy welcome that seemed to melt his cares away. He couldn't think of anyone in months who had been happy to see him, especially a woman, and her sweet attention had made him feel for a moment that the world was somehow normal again.

But despite the girl's open smiles, Negan had encountered a problem that threatened to derail any plans of luring her into his bed. The blushes, averting eyes and desire he had seen in her the first day were now gone, replaced by high walls and emotional defenses that manifested when he would throw out anything above a mild flirtation.

Negan hated those walls. He hated when every single defense anyone had didn't come crashing to the floor at his bidding, but he especially detested it with her. Negan had kept his attentions soft and light as he'd planned. He didn't touch her, or come in too close. He had backed off as far as he could go without being outside the door, and all he'd gotten for his troubles was fucking conversation.

He tried to think of another way to seduce her. He could always show her a little too much attention again; get in close like he had on the day they met. Negan let his mind wander back, to the look in her eyes at the sight of him, to the feel of her heartbeat growing hard and fast against his chest, and to her fear. Negan dismissed that idea as well. She obeyed his rules and he couldn't risk alienating her further by frightening her. Besides, he didn't want her to fear him. He wanted her to surrender to him and enjoy it.

Negan had no idea why he was racking his brain over some sexually repressed, blushing, infuriating girl, but he had started this game with her on the day they met, and he was determined to win. All he had to do was unlock her secrets. Something had certainly fucked with the girl's head, and she had picked up the torch of whatever it was and used it to keep everyone, including him, away from her. He wondered how any man could've ever gotten close to her with how she'd tense up and tune out. She must be...

Negan smiled and sat up in bed, knowing he'd found the key. His tongue grazed his top lip as he imagined the gates to the young woman's secrets opening wide for him, followed by the rest of her.

"Oh, little girl, little girl," he said aloud, "now you are mine."

***

Tuck sat on her bed looking at a book she had laid open on her lap. She wasn't reading, she was just staring forward with her head bent, wondering why it was four o'clock in the afternoon with no visit yet from Negan. She thought of taking a walk by herself around the compound. She wasn't allowed to venture out alone, but she was tired of being dutiful and obedient. She was beginning to resent Negan, not for his rules, but for how deeply she had fallen under his spell.

Tuck flung the book to the foot of the bed. She was in the middle of deep contemplation of her dilemma when the door to her room opened and a sauntering Negan entered. Today, instead of taking a chair from the table he crossed to the bed without saying a word and sat down so he was facing her. Tuck straightened her back and sat upright.

Negan stared at her but said nothing. Tuck wanted to break the silence, but she was unable to speak. Her mind raced through the last twenty four hours. She hadn't broken any rules, and he couldn't possibly know about her thoughts of escaping nor her realization about why she couldn't leave. Could he?

Negan tipped his head back and broke into a sly smile. "I know something about you," he said.

Tuck's mouth dropped open. She didn't want to betray herself, not until or unless she must, so she regained her composure and shrugged her shoulders. "What could you possibly know about me?" she retorted, more boldly than she thought she could considering the circumstances.

Negan leaned in close. "I know you've never been with a man before."

Tuck sat dumbfounded for a moment then buried her face in her hands. She was mortified, and felt her secrets so violated, she began to cry. She did not want to have this conversation, and certainly not with him, but she spoke out before she could stop herself.

"How could you know that? Goddammit, Negan," she said in a shaky voice, not raising her head.

Negan wanted to lie to her. He wanted to say he could read her mind or that he smelled it on her, but seeing her reaction forced the truth from him. "I didn't. Not for sure," he answered. This was a rare occasion in which he didn't know what to do. He wasn't good with emotional displays, unless they arose from the threat of Lucille or another one of his tactics of keeping order, but he felt contrite for the girl's sadness. Negan reached out and gently took her hands from her face and lifted her chin.

"I didn't mean to make you cry, doll face" his voice was soft and soothing. "I just..." Negan wasn't sure how to continue.

"It's okay," Tuck interjected, wiping her face and pulling back from his touch. "I just get nervous talking about that sort of thing. I'm weird." The young woman chuckled and waved her hand in attempted dismissal of the entire thing.

Negan would have none of it.

"You are an extraordinary woman," he said with sincerity. "You can talk about everything from philosophy to football, and yet you break into a crying jag at even the inference of the topic of fucking."

Tuck's face turned bright red and her whole body tensed.

"See," he said. "I can't even say the word without you turning into a goddamn statue."

"Well, maybe if you didn't use the word 'fucking' it would be helpful." Tuck tried to make a joke, but Negan was in no mood for frivolity and he certainly wasn't going to allow her to change the subject. As far as he was concerned, this ended now. She would either be in his bed or he would send her on her way. He was not going to spend another sleepless night alone with his thoughts of her.

"How old are you?" he asked.

"I don't see how that..."

"How old are you?" he insisted.

Tuck sighed. "I'm twenty-seven."

It was Negan's turn to be shocked. He'd assumed she was nineteen or twenty, which wouldn't be out of the realm of possibility for a woman having her innocence yet intact, but twenty seven?

"How in the hell did you manage to get to twenty-seven without fu..." He stopped himself. "...without anyone... storming your castle?"

There was a distinct pause in their exchange before Tuck broke out in a laugh.

"Storming my castle?" she said with a smart, sarcastic tone.

Negan slapped her on her leg playfully then let his hand remain there. He looked into her eyes expecting to see fear, but instead he spied a hint of the original desire he had seen burning in her the day they met. Negan refused to let the opportunity slip away. He moved in closer. Tuck tensed but she didn't shy away, and she didn't break the hold he had on her with his eyes.

"What made you so afraid?" he asked in a low voice.

Tuck thought for a moment of trying to retreat, but the nearness of him and the feel of his hand on her thigh had broken down some of her defenses.

"It's a long story," she said.

Negan looked at his left wrist, bound in white athletic tape, and feigned checking a watch that wasn't there. "I've got all the time in the world," he said with an encouraging smile.

Tuck took in a deep breath. "Fucking hell, Negan, I really don't want to talk about this."

"Well, the longer you pussyfoot around it, the harder it's going to be," he said.

Tuck rolled her eyes and then cleared her throat. "Well, for starters, I came out of the chute all fucked up," she said, her words halting. "Sick and deformed actually. Something was wrong with my liver and I had this funky foot and leg, I don't know, something about the way I laid before I was born. Anyway, it was so bad the doctors weren't sure if I was going to be able to walk or have any sort of normal life when I grew up. They were able to correct the problems but the medical procedures were horrendous. I don't remember them, thank god, but the first two and a half years of my life were weekly doctor visits, getting casts, a leg brace, breaking my ankle and resetting it when a new procedure didn't work, then finally surgery." Tuck bit at the inside of her mouth, but she didn't look up at Negan.

"Having such a sick little girl sent my parents running straight to the nearest church. A real hellfire and brimstone extravaganza. I was always a pretty sensitive kid, I guess because I figured everything was going to be as painful as what happened to me so early in my life and I somehow had it in my head that I was worthless, or deserving of hurt, or whatever you feel when you're little and can't rationalize why no one is coming to save you from the monsters. But, I got to where I was terrified of everything. I was afraid of God, I was afraid of the other kids at school, I was afraid of the shadows on the walls in my room at night. I had myself in such a high state of anxiety at the age of six that I couldn't eat anything without getting sick."

Tuck looked down and played mindlessly with a thread hanging from the inseam of her jeans. She thought of stopping her explanation but it was already too late. Negan would bid her to continue and she didn't have the will to defy him. "My parents took me to the doctor, and of course, nothing was physically wrong with me, I was just fucked up in the head. After about two months of not being able to eat, I just woke up one morning, I ate a little breakfast, and I didn't get sick." She felt tears start to form in her eyes and she brushed them away as they threatened to tumble down her cheeks.

"I also didn't stop eating. The more I ate, the more I realized food never judged me, food never rejected me, food wasn't going to hurt me and eating helped to silence all the anxious thoughts that plagued my mind. I gained a lot of weight, fast, as you can imagine. I became a target at school because that's what kids do, ya know? It got bad. Really bad. I tried blending into the background, I tried standing up for myself, but nothing seemed to work. The worst part was, everything the kids said to me, I believed it because I was saying the same horrible things to myself." Tuck's face grew hot with shame.

"When I got older and out of school, I was convinced no one could ever possibly want me, not the way I looked, and that whole idea became a self-fulfilling prophecy. I left the religion a few years ago, and I did date a couple of guys after that, but those relationships were just disastrous. I constantly questioned their motives for wanting to be with me. I was terrified at the thought of them touching me, or even looking at me, because I expected nothing but judgment or disgust from them. Soon, I just avoided getting close to anyone." Tuck checked Negan's countenance for any sign of rejection. She saw none, but she was unable to read the look on his face.

Damnit to hell, yeah, this was a great idea, Tuck thought. I might as well throw in a case of the crabs, a bout of mono and a jizz allergy and really send him running for the door. 

She let out a deep breath. "Anyway, when the outbreak happened, I was completely alone because my family had disowned me for leaving the religion, so I had very little to live for. I figured if I was going to die, I was going to do it out in the woods. I packed some of the old camping gear I'd taken with me when I left home and some supplies and just drove away from the city until my car hit empty, then I headed into the forest."

Tuck thought about her first few months in the woods and smiled a little. "I was really lucky," she said. "I met a lot of people along the way who helped me and taught me survival skills; how to fight and how to stand up for myself. I'm alive right now because of them."

Tuck shook the past from her mind and continued. "As it turns out," she continued, "hiking through the forest for fifteen months, and only eating what you can scrounge along the way, is the best diet plan ever."

Tuck smiled but Negan's face didn't change and he didn't offer to speak a word. "You know, I still look at myself in the mirror and hate the way I look. I can see that I've changed and that I'm smaller, a lot smaller, less than half the person I used to be, but I think my mind will always tell me I'm ugly and unworthy, and that no man will ever want me..." Tuck felt a new sense of courage brought on by her confession to him. She had nothing left to tell, but she also had nothing left to lose. She looked Negan in the eyes and said, "...especially you."

Negan hadn't interrupted Tuck as she told him her secrets, thinking she might use anything he said or did as an excuse to retreat and stay out of his reach forever. But her quiet words had jolted him out of his stillness and the man wasted no time. He placed his hands on each side of her face and brought his mouth down, barely touching his lips to hers. Tuck responded and he deepened their kiss by sliding his tongue between her parted lips. Negan willed himself to go slow, to be gentle. This girl was like a butterfly, scared away too easily by quick or crude attentions.

He ran his hands down her sides, caressing her with tender, unguarded movements. When he reached her waist, Negan wrapped his arms around her and pulled her onto his lap. Tuck grabbed on and clung to his biceps for a moment before moving her hands over his shoulders and slithering her fingers into his dark hair. 

Negan stopped kissing her and held her in his gaze. The color of his eyes had deepened and his eyelids had grown heavy and Tuck was staggered by their look of desire for her.

"Do you trust me?" he asked.

Tuck nodded. She did trust him—she trusted him and she had no idea why. She bit her bottom lip and Negan's resolve melted. He moved his hand to her breast and caressed her with slow, firm motions. Tender sighs escaped Tuck's lips and were soon lost in the long depths of his kiss.

She pushed herself away from him and for a moment he was worried she had changed her mind and reverted back to her fear, but she hadn't. "May," she said, breathless.

"What?" Negan was confused, thinking maybe his need for her was messing with his mind.

"I know you don't like the name Tuck. You haven't called me Tuck in all of the time we've spent together these last couple of weeks. You're the only one I've told in fifteen months. My name is May."

Negan smiled and rewarded her with a long, wet kiss and a delicate graze of his hand between her legs that caused her to gasp. He moaned softly and withdrew from her, sliding her from his lap and placing her on the bed. He stood abruptly. He had to put some distance between them—but not for long.

"My room. Tonight. Eleven o'clock," he said as he moved toward the door.

Tuck looked after his long, lean silhouette, still sensing the imprint of his hands on her body. She didn't come to her senses nor process what Negan had said until he had already left the room. Tuck bit her lip again and whispered only two words into the brooding air, still heavy with his presence...

"Oh fuck..."


	3. A Woman Like You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A Woman Like You - Bert Jansch  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rc-I9NRDQ1I

May walked the empty corridors leading to Negan's bedroom with her legs trembling beneath her. She slid her hands into her pockets and slowed her pace, trying to invoke a measure of calm into her worried spirit. "I can't do this," she said, shaking her head.

She imagined herself retreating, returning to her room and sitting on her bed, waiting for the sound of Negan's heavy footsteps echoing in the hallway as they made their angry way toward her. She would try to explain she had simply changed her mind, and she was sorry, but she just couldn't give him what he wanted. He would be so disappointed in her, she thought. Bearing his displeasure would be worse than his anger, but she was just too frightened to...

May had been so lost in thought she hadn't realized she'd arrived and was now standing in front of the heavy, wooden door to Negan's room. She closed her eyes and she could feel him on the other side; enticing her, calling to her, waiting for her to come to him. She directed her thoughts back to that afternoon. She remembered his exploring kisses, the look of desire in his eyes, and the way his hands felt when he touched her. There was something raw and fierce and imposing about Negan, but those traits resided alongside a certain gentleness in his nature, a virtue May figured he'd buried and forgotten a long time ago.

A tight, fervid excitement built within her at her thoughts of him. May shifted her weight from one foot to the other, then mustered up the courage to knock.

***

Negan was adjusting a black, v-neck t-shirt down over his abdomen when he opened the door. "Well, you are just full of surprises," he said. "You got your sweet little ass down here at eleven o'clock on the dot." He accentuated the last word with a quick, snapping incline of his body.

Jesus Christ, she thought. May loved when Negan moved like that. She didn't know if the gesture was purposeful or an idiosyncrasy he'd developed and now performed without awareness, but either way, the move made her crazy for him.

Negan made a beckoning gesture at her with his finger and May took a few measured steps into the room. As the door closed behind her the slamming sound caused her to jump. Negan approached her and traced his hands down her arms, starting at her shoulders and ending by taking her hands in his.

"Just relax," he said in a voice both soothing and hypnotic.

He drew her forward and wrapped his arms around her, placing a tender kiss on her mouth then leaning down to give her a tight, reassuring embrace. May put a hand on the back of Negan's neck and touched his wet hair with her fingertips. The clean, masculine scent of his body filled her senses and her knees went weak with longing.

Negan stepped back and took a long, hard look at her. "May, my sweet girl, you look good enough to eat." This was the first time she'd heard him speak her name and a shy smile spread across her face.

"Come with me," he said. He took her by the hand and led her into the bathroom, stopping just long enough to grab an open bottle of wine and a wine glass from his bedside table. The light in the small room was dimmed, but enough shone so she could see the bathtub was overflowing with bubbles.

Negan filled the wine glass nearly to the brim and placed it on the wide ledge of the marble sink next to a neatly folded piece of clothing. He twirled his finger, motioning for May to turn around, and he placed his hands on her shoulders and massaged them in strong, slow arcs.

"I want you to take that glass of wine and have a soak in the tub," he said as he moved his caresses to release the tension in her neck. "And when you're done, I want you slip into that." He pointed to the light colored garment sitting on the sink. Negan moved May's hair to the side and gave her a light kiss where his hands had been, then he took her by the waist and spun her around so she was facing him. "That and nothing else," he said.

May tensed, just a little, but enough for Negan to notice. He brushed away a few stray hairs from her face and then brought his lips down to hers. His kiss was light at first, designed to comfort her and calm her dismay, but May's eager response soon had him cradling her in his arms and driving his tongue deep into her mouth. Negan pushed his upper body against hers, leaning her back at the waist. The position reminded her of the day they met.

Negan broke their kiss, but continued to hold her close and fast to him. As he looked down into her face his hazel eyes coiled and changed, and the areas of green in them turned dark emerald and shone like hard jewels.

"I feel like I've been waiting on you forever," he said as he put his hand just under the hem of her shirt and lightly grazed his fingertips across her skin. "Don't make me wait much longer."

***

Negan was reclining on the bed with his long legs outstretched and crossed at the ankles when May entered the room. He put his feet to the floor and stood without taking his eyes off of her.

"A patient man is always rewarded," he said as he approached her. May tugged at the hem of the white blouse Negan had left for her, trying without success to make it cover more of her body than where it left off at the top of her thighs. She took a few faltering steps back as he neared then crossed her arms protectively in front of her. Negan reached out, using a light touch and a quiet voice to push her defenses away. "No more hiding from me," he said.

Negan encircled her waist and brought her to him. His kisses were slow and tender and deep, but they were overwhelming to her. May struggled a little against him and he stopped his attentions and let her go. She was afraid to look at him. May was ashamed of her reaction and the last thing she wanted to see in his face was disappointment.

"This little episode was not unexpected," Negan reassured her. "Did you think I thought I was gonna turn you from a virgin to a whore in two minutes? Fuck, I'm good, but I'm not that good." 

May laughed.

"I mean, it will probably take me at least ten," Negan gave her a wink and a broad, sensual smile.

May blushed but wanted nothing more in that moment than to taste his lips again. She moved forward and put her hands on Negan's sides. She stood up as tall as she could and he lowered his head so her mouth could reach his. Her kiss was light and a little hesitant, but she let her lips linger on his for a few tender moments before retreating.

Negan thought that was probably the sweetest kiss he'd ever received and he was surprised by the profound effect it had on his cock.

He kissed her again as he reached around and grabbed her ass in his hands, going up and under the fabric of her shirt so he could feel her skin. May let out a surprised little yelp, but followed the coaxing of his hands as they pressed her abdomen against him. She slid her hands around his waist and ran them up his back, feeling every muscle as it passed under her hand. 

Negan let go of her and brought his hands up to her shoulders. He hooked his fingers into the elastic neckline of her blouse and pushed the silky fabric slowly down her arms until her only piece of clothing landed in a white puddle on the floor around her ankles.

Negan put one arm around her back and traced his other hand up her abdomen and ribs so he could grasp her breast. He moved his hand so her hardening nipple grazed along the sides of his long, unyielding fingers, then he grasped the pink bud between his fingertips and squeezed. May cried out. She held onto his arms for support, but his touch had fueled a brazen, raging fire within her. She sucked on his tongue and dug her nails into the skin underneath his shirt sleeves as she pressed her body hard against him. He backed away, giving her a villainous grin.

"Go climb into bed," he said. Negan walked over to a wooden dresser on the other side of the room and May hurried to the bed, getting under the covers before he turned around. She watched him from behind, seeing his reflection in the mirror as he dug into a cherry wood jewelry box and pulled something glittering from inside. He approached the bed and sat down next to May, a long, silver chain dangling from his hand. She reached out but Negan took his hand away.

"I'll put it on you," he said.

He reached for the covers that May held tight against her and tugged at them, but she didn't relent.

"I said no more hiding," Negan reminded her. "Now lie back."

May reclined back onto the bed and Negan removed the covers from her with agonizing slowness. She wanted to shield her body from his view, but instead, she slid her hands underneath her at the small of her back.

"That's my girl," he said.

Negan stared down at her. She watched his face as he surveyed her up and down, taking extra time to gaze when his eyes set upon the place she had kept most secret. When he was done, Negan told her to raise up and he put the necklace over her head. He traced the skin from the hollow of her neck, over her bumble bee pendant, and down to the full length of his chain as it rested just above her navel.

"God, you're beautiful," he said.

May hugged him around the neck. Negan wrapped her in his arms and he caught the sweet scent of her hair as it brushed across his face. The shark inside him wanted to devour her, but he was halted by some gentle feeling for the girl and the desire to live up to the trust she'd placed in him.

Negan removed his shirt then lowered May back onto the bed. He reclined on his side, close enough so her shoulder pressed against his bare chest. He placed a finger on her chin and turned her face toward him then caressed her cheek with his thumb. Negan let the tip of his tongue play for a moment on his lips and May responded by parting her own in invitation. He smiled and rewarded her openness with a deep, wet kiss.

Negan walked his fingertips down between her breasts, moving lower and lower until he stopped their descent just above her mound. May squirmed under his hand and a small, hungered cry escaped her lips as Negan's smile grew sly against her mouth.

He put his hand between her legs and slid one fingertip just between her lips. He ran his finger, slow and deliberate, down the entire length of her slit and back, then circled and rubbed her clit until she pressed herself into his touch. He glided his fingertip to her opening, finding her slick and wet and waiting for him. He groaned and began a slow slide all the way inside her. May spread her legs farther apart. Her already tight cunt contracted around him and Negan drove in a second finger, sinking both of his long digits up to the knuckles in her soft, wet flesh. May took in a sharp breath and whimpered. Negan watched her face as he slowed his movements, taking lighter and more delicate strokes until May's breath grew short and her hips rose off the bed. He returned his expert attentions to her clit, pressing hard and moving fast against her with the calloused tip of his slippery finger. May writhed under the speed and friction of his movements until she grasped his arm and breathed out his name in a long, low sigh.

"Not yet," Negan said.

May held her breath and closed her eyes tight. She grabbed onto the wooden railing of the headboard and tried to focus on her ragged breathing, but nothing could take her mind away nor make her body immune to his touch.

Negan maneuvered on top of her and pressed himself between her spread legs. She grazed her touch down the length of his back and glided her hand under his waistband, gathering enough boldness to caress him. Negan groaned and rotated his hips. The thick denim stretched taut over his erect cock spread May's sensitive lips apart and the pressure drove her to hungry, lustful sighs. May looked into Negan's eyes as he moved his body against her and she got lost in him.

"I want you," she whispered.

Negan arose and knelt between May's legs as he unbuckled his belt and undid his jeans, pushing them down and off his legs. He grasped the backs of her knees and wrapped her legs around him above his hips. He reached for his cock to guide himself inside her, but changed his mind, lowering his body onto hers so he could kiss her neck.

"Put me inside you," he said. His long look into her eyes was serious and seductive and May couldn't help but resort to a nervous bite on her bottom lip.

"Dear god," Negan growled.

May reached her hand down between their bodies and found his cock. He inhaled a shallow breath when she took hold of him and May felt a surge of power at his reaction to her touch. She took her time, running her hand up and down his long shaft as she watched his eyes close and listened to his breathing coming in short, quiet gasps. She brought him forward and had barely touched the tip of his cock to her entrance before he pushed into her with a long, slow thrust.

May cried out. Negan kissed her forehead and continued, speaking a few tender words of comfort as he moved inside her. He kept his depth deliberate and his speed controlled until her body eased and grew languid beneath him.

Then he pleasured her.

Negan delved deep inside her as he brought his lips to hers and claimed her mouth. May danced beneath him, picking up his rhythm and following his lead as a sensation built within her that threatened to consume her or tear her apart. He leveraged all the weight of his body and crashed into her over and over, forcing May over the edge. She came like a wave beneath him, clinging to his shoulders and softly crying out in a shaking, shattering release. Negan wasn't far behind as her wet sex tightened around him when she climaxed, causing him to lose the last vestiges of his self-control. He threw his head back as his orgasm flooded her and her name escaped in a low sigh from his lips.

Negan lowered his whole body to her and laid his head over her heart so she could enfold him in a warm embrace. Time passed slowly and the lovers remained entwined until Negan slipped onto his side next to her. She turned toward him and he saw her eyes were barely open.

"Aw. Sleepy girl," he said. She smiled for him as her eyes closed, then she drifted off into a deep, peaceful sleep.

Negan rolled over and switched off the lamp on his bedside table, moving slow so as not to disturb her. He reclined on his back and it wasn't long before he succumbed to a slumber of his own—the best he'd had in months.

***

Negan awoke hours later to the moon shining silver light in through his window. He rubbed his eyes and looked over at May who was still lying in the same position as when she'd gone to sleep. Until now, Negan had convinced himself that all the visits to her room, all the conversations and laughs they had shared, all of her secrets he had bid her to tell him, were nothing more than machinations set by his design to get her into his bed—and here she was. But she had not come to him out of a sense of duty like the others. She had come because she wanted him, because she wanted to please him, and she had given him a part of herself she could never get back.

A long buried light within him started to shine through his darkness. He felt closer to her than he'd felt to anyone since he'd become Negan - Leader of the Saviors, and the feeling was both pleasant and treacherous.

May stirred beside him pulling him from his thoughts. He watched as she turned over causing the sheet to fall off her shoulders and expose her bare back to him.

He should keep his distance from her, he thought. Any further entanglement would probably be a bad idea for both of them...especially her. He'd just end up breaking her heart.

May moved again, and made a noise as if she were having a dream. The sound was low and sensual, and too inviting for Negan to resist. He wanted to be near her, and a part of him wanted to keep her close to him, regardless of his apprehension of where their path would lead.

Negan moved in behind May, kissing her neck and grazing his hand down her side. She stretched a little against him and turned over, giving him a smile as the moon bathed her skin in an ethereal light. She looked like some faery tale creature who had slipped into the mundane world, but would soon vanish, too elusive to be confined by material bonds. Negan held on to her tight.

"Everything okay?" she asked. She put her hands on his shoulders and caressed him.

"Never better."

She touched her hand to his face for and her brow furrowed as she looked into his eyes.

"Negan..." she stopped in mid-sentence and lowered her eyes. "Ummm, so..."

She struggled with her words, but Negan kept quiet. She would get there eventually, he just needed to give her a little time.

"So what happens now?" she asked.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, did you want me to leave? Is that why you woke me up?" She looked toward the window. "It will be getting light in about an hour. I thought maybe you wanted me to go. So no one would know I was here."

"I don't give a fuck who knows you were here," he said.

May shrank back from him a little and Negan realized what she was trying to say.

"You still don't get it do you?" he asked, sounding more annoyed than he'd intended. "I don't know what you've dreamed up in that head of yours about what you think my motivations might be, but if I didn't want you here with me, you wouldn't be here. And if I didn't think you were beautiful, I wouldn't say it. AND if I weren't completely enamored by you, I certainly wouldn't have spent quite a good bit of my evening fucking the hell out of you and making sure you enjoyed it. So get the fuck out of your own head and..."

"You're enamored by me?" May broke in, smiling and putting her hands over her mouth.

Negan shrugged. "Well, maybe a little..."

"You said completely," May corrected him.

"Don't presume to tell me what I said."

"Oh, fuck you. Presume this," she said and flipped him off.

"Damn. You are fiesty as fuck," he said, smiling and gritting his teeth. He slapped her on the ass and May's mouth dropped open for a moment before her lips curled up in a smile. Negan brushed his hand through her hair and looked down into her face.

"And the reason I woke you up," he continued, "was so I could show you just exactly how enamored by you I really am." He gave her a long kiss, letting his hand stray down to the back of her knee and wrapping her leg around him.

May ran her fingers through his hair and pushed against him. "Just a little?" she asked.

Negan rolled her onto her back. "Oh no, my sweet girl. Completely..."


	4. One Thing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One Thing - Finger Eleven -   
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iV0AOaJunZM

May awoke in Negan's bedroom. She stretched in the bright light, shifting and moving her body to work out the well-earned soreness that had settled in as she slept. She thought his room was much different in the daylight, but she decided the space looked like he belonged there—it was straightforward with tinges of lush, just like him.

She started to slip from under the covers until she saw a white, folded piece of paper on Negan's pillow, bearing her name. Every space inside her lit up. She unfolded the note and ran her finger over the large, bold capital letters of his print.

Christ, even his writing is sexy, she thought.

GOOD MORNING SWEET GIRL,

I HAD TO GET UP EARLY BUT I DIDN'T WANT TO WAKE YOU. I'M NOT SURE WHEN I'LL BE BACK, BUSY DAY, BUT I'LL SEE YOU TONIGHT AT 9. BE GOOD FOR ME WHILE I'M GONE.

— N

P.S. I'M LIFTING THE RULE OF YOU HAVING TO STAY IN YOUR ROOM ALL DAY BUT DO NOT GO OUTSIDE THE COMPOUND, AND FOR FUCK'S SAKE, NO CLOCKING ANYONE OVER THE HEAD!

May laughed. She got up and went into the bathroom, seeing her clothes were folded in an orderly pile on the sink. She showered and dressed, then hurriedly stripped the sheets and went to the closet to find fresh linens to replace them. She made Negan's bed and headed out for what she hoped was an enlightening stroll around the compound.

As she walked through the halls, she found herself falling deeper and deeper in thought. May wondered if she looked different to anyone. She certainly felt different; she was more aware of herself, she felt less burdened, and she could sense Negan all over her. The sensation was beautiful but it caused her to miss him terribly. May felt strange and emotional and a little lost. She tried to shake the uncomfortable feelings, and wished she could go out into the woods to clear her head, but she couldn't bear to break Negan's trust.

She grew sullen and headed to her room. Not exploring the compound on her own was an opportunity wasted, but she was too open and vulnerable to be around anyone, especially strangers. May crossed her legs on the bed and pulled Negan's note out of her pocket to play with the edges. Her body felt sore and a bit battered, but the ache only increased her want to be near him. She curled onto her side, slipping the note back into her pocket.

He's not walking around out there, wherever he is, thinking of you, she berated. She knew she said horrible things to herself, and that wasn't going to be transmuted by one good, hard night of fucking and a few kind words. Still, she thought, Negan had put her needs ahead of his own during their night together, knowing exactly what she needed him to do to make her feel safe and calm and desired. He was probably like that with everyone. Not necessarily tuned into her, just a man tuned into women.

She sat up again and looked at the clock. 12:45.

May was startled from her melancholy when the door burst open, slamming hard against the wall, and Negan stepped inside. He had his barbed-wire covered baseball bat in his right hand and he flicked it around and pointed it right at her.

"What in the hell are you doing shut up in here?" he said.

May had wanted nothing more than to see him again, and now that he was in front of her, she just sat and stared.

Say something, she thought.

"What are you doing back?"

"Fuck, I figured you'd be happy to see me, doll face," he said as he shut the door. "Considering the pounding I gave you last night and twice this morning. Damn." He approached her with a rugged smile and May melted. Negan sat down hard on the bed.

"I am happy to see you," she said, pushing into his arm playfully with her shoulder.

And I think I'm in love with you.

May let out a gasp at the thought and Negan scrutinized her face. "What is going on in that head of yours now?" he asked.

"Nothing."

"Didn't we just have a conversation last night about no more hiding?" Negan's voice was quiet, but his expression was rigid and parental. Something in that look, mixed with her fragile state of being, set May off.

"Well, we didn't really have a conversation about it. You said 'no more hiding from me', and I didn't say anything. That's not really a fucking conversation. That's more you telling me what to do and assuming I'm going to do it just because you say so." May was surprised at her tone and so was Negan. He looked like she had slapped him in the face.

May started to cry---she had cried more in the last two days than she had the entire fifteen months of traipsing around in the woods and she cursed herself for being unable to control her emotions. She looked into Negan's eyes, feeling woeful and apologetic for lashing out at him. "I don't think I'm processing any of this very well," she said. "I'm sorry."

Negan put his arm around her, "Listen, doll face, the last thing I need is for you to have some sort of emotional breakdown on me, ok?" After a few moments of comforting her, he turned her face toward him. "You have every right to feel whatever you're feeling, May," he said, "but don't take your shit out on me. You have to trust me, and you have to stop fucking yourself over in your mind." Negan seemed exasperated with her and she really couldn't blame him.  
May nodded and Negan kissed her on the forehead as he ran his fingers into her hair.

"That's not all that's going on with me," May said. "There's something I need to tell you."

Oh fuck no, don't tell him, she thought.

"I'm afraid, though."

Do NOT tell him you love him.

"You don't have to be afraid to tell me anything," he said.

Don't do it...

"I think I'm in love with you."

May closed her eyes and recoiled as she said the words. She waited to fall off the world into some dense and infinite oblivion at his reply, but her confession was met with nothing but silence.

May opened her eyes to Negan sporting a casual smile.

"You think?" he said with a chuckle.

May was shocked. She had just bared the deepest secret of her heart and there he sat, smiling, responding as though he already knew.

"What do you mean, 'you think'?" she said, crossing her arms.

Negan laughed again and patted her head. "You are so adorable. That's old news, sweet girl."

"You knew?" she asked. "Well, why didn't you tell me?"

"Why didn't I tell you, you loved me?" Negan looked up as if trying to figure out the answer to an enigmatic puzzle.

"No! Fuck! Why didn't you tell me you knew?"

"Knew what?" Negan asked with a straight face.

May let out groan and buried her face in her hands.

"Hey now," Negan said, poking her in the side with his finger. "No more waterworks."

"I'm not crying, I'm..." May dropped her hands and looked at him, her emotions finally landing on helplessness and confusion.

"...I don't know what I am," she finished with a defeated shrug.

"Oh, I know what you are," Negan said, changing his tone to something soft and sensual.

He put his arms around her, then slid his hand across her torso, high enough for his fingers to brush the undersides of her breasts. Negan leaned into her. He put his lips against her ear in a feathery touch and May shivered.

"You are mine."

 

***

 

Negan watched May as she sat on her knees shuffling a deck of cards.

"Ok, are you ready?" she said. "I'm gonna show you a magic trick."

"I'm ready. Hit me, doll face."

May had the bed sheet wrapped around her waist and she was wearing a dark blue tank top. Negan hadn't fought her when she'd resorted to hiding her body a little from him, especially in those times when he insisted the bedroom light be kept burning. He didn't always allow it, but if it made her feel more comfortable to cover herself on occasion, he was happy to oblige her. He was a gentleman, after all.

Negan watched May's ample tits move beneath the thin, dark fabric. He dropped his eyes and followed the clinging and draping lines as they descended her body. He thought the top looked sexy and inviting on her, and he began plotting the best means to get her out of it.

May cleared her throat to get Negan's attention. He shifted his gaze to her face, and gave her one of his wide smiles and slow, seductive winks. May smiled in return and her cheeks grew pink. They shone, so tender and soft in the light, that Negan had to restrain himself from taking her right where she sat.

May continued the trick by spreading the cards out in her hand, coaxing Negan to choose one. "Don't let me see it." She turned her head to the side and closed her eyes.

His card was the nine of hearts.

"Now put it back in, anywhere," she directed.

May shuffled and chanted an incantation, then searched the deck, stopping on one card and pulling it from the others with a flourish.

"Is this your card?" she asked. She held the nine of hearts in her hand.

"Nope," Negan teased.

"What do you mean no? That's your fucking card," she insisted.

"That's not my card."

May shifted on her knees and the sheet fell away, exposing her left hip to him. Negan reached out and caressed her. She pretended not to notice, but she couldn't stop the goosebumps from forming on her skin underneath his touch.

As she tried to figure out where her trick had gone wrong, Negan sat up and took the deck from her hand and flung it across the room, scattering cards in the air.

"Hey, I'm not picking tho..." May started to say, but he kissed her before she could finish.

"I know a magic trick," Negan said, causing May's face to light up.

"Show me!"

Negan laid her on her back and knelt between her legs. He slid his hands up her sides, pushing the bottom hem of her shirt slowly toward her breasts.

"Hey, what about the magic trick?" she asked, crossing her arms over her tits to block him.

"In order for it to work, we both have to be naked," he said as he uncrossed her arms. "Those are the rules."

Negan pulled the tank top over her head and tossed the garment onto the floor. May blushed. He looked into her face and hoped she never lost the part of herself that made her a little shy with him. The trait was endearing and also made him want to ravage her.

Negan laid on top of her and kissed her lips. He lowered his mouth down to her neck and sucked lightly as she wrapped her arms around him.

"Is this part of the trick too?" May asked, inclining her head toward him as his lips tickled her neck.

"No. I'm just...focusing my energies. Now be still. You'll fuck up my concentration."

He moved down and wrapped his lips around her rosy pink nipple. May moaned and arched her back, pushing herself toward his mouth. Negan took the firm, tightening skin between his teeth and nibbled, then flicked her with his tongue, causing her to writhe beneath him. He fondled her other breast as he deepened his attention on her nipple, taking it hard in his mouth and moving his head until she shuddered.

She could be shy, yes, he thought, but it also didn't take much to get her going. She'd be dripping wet by now. Negan adored that about her too.

He kissed down her stomach and stopped to circle his tongue inside her belly button.

"Jesus fuck," she said.

Negan looked up at her. "For such a nice girl, you have an absolutely filthy fucking vocabulary."

"Well, I never even said 'fuck' or any such vile things until I met you," she said. "You've corrupted me." She widened her eyes virtuously, then let them fall back into a gaze heavy with desire for him.

"I've not yet begun to defile you," he said. Negan snapped his teeth against the sensitive skin under her navel and May drew in a sharp breath. All the better to eat you with, my dear, he thought.

He glided the tip of his tongue in a straight line from her navel down to the top of her pussy. "Ok, now here's the trick," he announced. Negan spread her lips with his fingers and gave her a long, slow lick.

May shuddered from the effects of the lightning bolt that hit her. "Dear god, this is the best magic trick, ever," she said.

Negan moved his eyes to her face and waited for May to look at him. "I haven't even gotten started."

He put her legs over his shoulders and then moved his body up, opening her pussy to him. Negan stared at her. Thin and sparsely placed golden hair covered folds of white skin, opening to a soft interior that was light pink and glistening. He nuzzled his face against her, scratching the stubble of his beard on her sensitive flesh then moving his tongue in circles around her opening. He teased her with the tip of his tongue, bringing his hand up so his thumb could move in broad strokes over her clit. She moaned his name and twisted her hands in the sheets, her head moving from side to side in ecstasy. Her warm wetness trickled out and over his tongue and he stopped and backed his face away from her.

"I swear, if you cum, your ass will be in a whole fucking mess of trouble, do you hear me?"

May froze and then sat up on her elbows so she could look down at him. His facial expression was unwavering. He turned his head and grazed his teeth in a firm bite on the inside of her thigh then returned his eyes to hers.

"Do you hear me?" he repeated.

"Yes," she answered as her body quivered. May thought she might cum right then.

"Yes, what?"

"Yes, sir," she said.

Negan pushed two fingers all the way inside her and May saw stars.

"Try again." His voice feigned displeasure.

"Yes, Negan."

"That's my girl."

Negan left his fingers inside her, but kept them still as he circled her clit with his tongue. May tried to clamor away from him, afraid she couldn't hold back, but he put his arm across her abdomen and held onto her hip, keeping her from getting away.

Negan tormented her. He alternated his lips and tongue and gentle nips with his teeth on her clit and started to glide his fingers inside her, hooking his fingertips so they dragged against the sensitive inner wall of her cunt.

He teased her to the brink of climax, then refused her several times. When Negan thought she couldn't take anymore, he spoke. "Beg me," he said.

"What?" May wasn't sure if she'd heard him properly. She wasn't even sure he'd spoken at all.

"Beg me to let you cum."

She let out a long breath and her face grew hot.

"Please..." she whispered.

"Please what? And say it louder."

"Please, let me cum."

"Not good enough," Negan said, returning his mouth to her and increasing the speed of his fingers as they pushed hard inside her.

May nearly lost control, but she held out for one more try. She was determined to please him and gain her reward.

"Negan, I'll do whatever you want, just please let me cum."

His smile was wicked as he pushed a third finger inside her causing her to cry out. When they hit, the tides of her release seemed never ending, driving all thoughts from her mind and everything from her soul but him. When she'd finished, her body convulsed and then lay still. She left her eyes closed as her breathing returned to normal, and when she opened them, Negan was beside her. She wanted to turn toward him, but she couldn't move. He put his arm around her, pushing her onto her side, then moving up behind her so the length of his body was touching hers.

"You are such a good girl," he crooned in her ear.

May made a quiet sound and reached her hand back so she could touch his face and Negan wrapped her tighter in his embrace. He loved the way she felt in these quiet moments. She was all softness and tenderness and light, and her whole being was open to him.

The hint of a dangerous feeling surfaced---dangerous because it had no place in the world he inhabited and no room within him next to his will to survive. He allowed the emotion to linger for a moment before sending it away, as he always did when it dared to enter his awareness. He was in control, he reminded himself, not her, and certainly not his emotions.

May stirred and she reached down to hold his hand, entwining her fingers around his and squeezing tight. The gesture made him smile. Oh, how sweet she was, he thought.

In that moment, Negan realized he didn't understand her at all—she never demanded answers regarding his feelings for her, nor questioned him when he halted any conversation on subjects he deemed none of her concern; subjects whose answers might send her running far, far away from him. He guessed that she feared doing or saying anything to push him away, and in that, her insecurities worked to his advantage---and that suited Negan just fine.

God, he really was the big, bad wolf and poor, innocent red riding hood had no idea.

Negan reached for the lamp and switched it off, plunging the room into darkness. He kissed her shoulder and let his lips linger on her skin, hoping for the first time to exorcise their faery tale roles from his mind.

"I love you, Negan" May said.

He held her close and rested his forehead on her shoulder until he regained complete control of himself, then he gave her his usual reply.

"That's old news, sweet girl."


	5. Great Big Bundle of Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Great Big Bundle of Love - Brenton Wood  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fAKFjrSUOsc

"Oh dear lord, Negan, please tell me you didn't name your cock," May laughed as she sat straddling his lap.

"Of course I did," he replied. "All sex gods name their cocks, May. It's a prerequisite."

"Oh, sex gods, of course." She nodded in agreement. "Hmmm, so I take it you know one?"

Negan huffed in pretend offense and flipped May onto her back. "That's it, you little smart ass, you're getting tickled for that one." He reached his hands for her sides and May screeched.

"Please don't tickle me," she begged as she giggled and brought her leg up between them. "I'll be good. I promise." Negan backed off and May put her foot flat on the bed, resting her knee against his side as she held his hands. "Okay, so what did you name it?" she inquired.

"Sexcalibur," he said, raising his eyebrows and giving her an open mouthed smile.

May busted out in a laugh. "Storming my castle, Sexcalibur—you have a thing for medieval sexual metaphors, don't you?"

"I do," Negan said as he moved her leg and laid down on the bed beside her. "Speaking of that, my sword could use some polishing. Get thee to it, wench."

May's mouth dropped open and she backhanded him on the chest.

"Ouch, whoa, hey, did you just fucking hit me?"

"I did," she said. "What do you think of that, Mr. Sexcalibur?"

"I was thinking," Negan rolled onto his side and grabbed her up in his arms. "Damn, where has this woman been all my life?"

May smiled and touched his cheek, running her hand down to his chin so she could play with his beard. Negan curled his fingers around the long silver chain he'd given her, and started to pull her forward, but May looked away. When she returned her gaze, there was a new expression on her face that he had never seen. Like she was building herself up for some proclamation. "Negan, we need to talk about something," she said.

Oh fucking hell, he thought. It's never good when a woman starts a goddamn conversation off with a phrase like that.

"What?" His tone was flat as he spoke.

May gave him a look of disapproval before she continued. "I want to leave the compound sometimes, when you're not here. I've seen this whole place a dozen times over, and I miss being in the woods. Please? I'll be careful and..."

"Absolutely not," he interrupted. "You're not leaving the compound unless you're with me and the matter isn't up for discussion."

May sat up and crossed her legs, holding the sheet in front of her. A small, angry fire burned in her eyes.

Hot damn, he thought. This is going to get good.

"Oh, this matter is up for discussion and you're going to hear me out," she said.

Negan arose to a sitting position and looked May straight in the eye. "Well, look who's staging a rebellious little pussy protest," he said, smiling at her then looking down at her lips. "That is hot as fuck. I want you to keep that shit up." He reached for her and she took a firm hold on his wrist.

"Negan, stop fucking around. We need to talk about this or..."

"Not another word, May," he said, twisting his wrist out of her hand. He set his face in stone before looking away from her, hoping his inattentiveness would shake her out of her defiance.

"Why do you always treat me like a child?"

"Because you fucking act like one," he replied, tinging his voice with frustration.

May sighed but Negan kept his focus elsewhere.

"Maybe you're right," she said. "I do feel and act like a child when I'm with you. But the way you treat me, I'm beginning to think that's exactly what you want. If I feel like this, I'm easier to control, right? I mean it doesn't take a fucking genius to figure that out."

Negan looked at her and raised an eyebrow. She would normally have retreated into obedient silence by now. Why the fuck was she still talking?

"You know what else I feel like?"

"What else do you feel like, May?" he asked as though he was uninterested in the answer.

"I feel like a toy," she said. "I feel like you pick me up when you want to play with me and the rest of the time I'm just tossed in the corner. I'm not allowed to have any thoughts, or opinions, or fucking god forbid, any feelings of insecurity or doubt. And I certainly have no voice. I just hang around like the mute, idiot doll that I am, waiting for you to come along and pick me up again. And you know I'll put up with all of it because of how I feel about you." By the time she'd finished, her bottom lip was quivering and she had hung her head.

Negan thought of nothing but to comfort her. "Oh, honey," he said as he made a sad face and then kissed her on the top of her head. Negan put her legs over his lap and caressed her thigh.

"Look at me, my sweet girl" he said.

Her eyes opened wide to gaze up at him.

Someday she is going to be gone, Negan thought.

Usually when his mind ran in this direction, Negan would dismiss it. Fuck it. Everyone leaves eventually was his normal way to avoid the matter, but this time something inside him wavered. His feelings for May were getting harder to control, and they grew right alongside his certainty that someday she would disappear, just like everyone else.

"What's wrong?" May asked, breaking into Negan's thoughts and sending his ghosts scuttling back to their dark corners. She took his hand and brought it up to her lips, kissing his fingers. "I didn't mean to make you sad. I'm sorry."

Negan had spent months in complete mastery over his every thought and emotion, but he hadn't realized how heavy a burden that had become until he'd laid a small part of it down, right at her feet.

Fucking, May. This was all her fault.

But Negan thought he might love her a little for it just the same.

"Did you ever think that I don't want you to leave the compound because I want to protect you?" he said. "In here, I know you're safe. If you're out there alone, anything could happen to you."

"I was out there for a very long time without you, Negan. I know how to take care of myself," she said.

"Honey, my men captured you, so apparently you're not as good at taking care of yourself as you might think." Negan brushed his finger across the tip of her nose and gave her a wink.

"Hey, there were five of them, they were all armed, and if I remember correctly, one of them was somewhat worse for wear when I got through introducing my metal pipe to the side of his head."

May put on her best, tough-as-nails look and Negan tousled her hair before leaning in for a tender kiss. He backed his face away, but not too far, leaving their lips so close they were nearly touching.

Aw, there's my sweet girl, he thought.

Of all the expressions May wore, this one was Negan's favorite. Her lips were barely parted in a gentle smile and her blue eyes shone so bright, they reminded him of an endless summer sky. Her face was winsome and brimming with love, and every drop was just for him.

"You're not safe if you're alone outside these walls, May. You need to trust me, and you need to let me protect you." Negan rested his forehead against hers. "Deal?" he said.

"Well, since you put it that way." He could tell she'd resigned herself to him, but she wasn't quite satisfied. "I still need out of here, though, even if it's just for a little while."

Negan considered for a moment. "We could go for a drive tomorrow," he said.

"Really?!" May bounced with excitement.

"The guys brought in that old convertible last week, and I know a beautiful stretch of open road just west of here. How does that sound to my girl?"

"It sounds wonderful." May put her arms around his neck and hugged him tight. "Thank you."

"You're welcome, doll face." Negan kissed her cheek then quieted his seductive, baritone voice. "But remember, you owe me for this."

May bit at the inside of her lip before taking Negan's face in her hands. She touched her mouth to his, deep and open and bold enough to leave moist traces of her kiss clinging to his lips. Then she slid from his embrace. May searched the floor for her clothes, getting dressed as she found each garment strewn at random around the bed.

"Where the hell do you think you're going?" Negan asked.

"I'm going to my room," she said, slipping into her jeans.

Negan cocked his head in perplexed amusement until he realized she was serious. "No, you're coming back to bed," he corrected her.

May picked up her boots, tucking them under her arm as she walked to the door. Before she left, she turned and gave him a wide smile, then blew him a kiss. "I love you," she said, but she didn't wait around for his reply.

Negan sat in bed wondering what in the hell just happened. To his surprise, he wasn't angry and he didn't feel slighted. A part of him was even proud of her for asserting herself.

"Well I'll be damned," he muttered with a smile. He thought about following May to her room but decided against it. She deserved her win tonight, and maybe a few, small concessions from him from now on.

Negan laid back on his pillow and flicked off the light. He ran his fingers down both sides of his face, tapering them together as he stroked to the tip of his beard.

The fearless, ruthless Negan – Leader of the Saviors, bested by a woman. The thought forced a little laugh from him. "Oh that girl," he said aloud. "That sweet, vexing, beautiful girl."


	6. Indian Summer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Indian Summer - The Doors  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3zHZzxJtOKw

"I really think the whole thing is just Mother Nature fighting back," May said as she massaged the insole of Negan's foot with her thumb. "Too many people in the world, too many of them hell bent on destroying the planet, and Earth had just had enough, so bam! Undead everywhere. It's totally karmic when you think about it."

Negan gave a shallow roll of his eyes. "Sweetie, not everything has some cosmic, hippie, bullshit explanation. Sometimes things just are the way they are. And, even if what you say is exactly true, who gives a fuck? Knowing the reason doesn't change a goddamn thing."

May cocked her head and ran her fingernail down the outside of Negan's foot, causing him to jump.

"You will not like what happens if you tickle me," he said. May winked and Negan slid his left foot up her thigh. He shot a warning glare in her direction then grinned wide. "There is one thing I don't get, and you're going to have to explain it to me," Negan said. "How in the hell did you manage to survive fifteen months in the flipping woods with that faery tale head of yours? Magic? Did the fucking gnomes help you, because it's a Jesus level miracle you're even alive."

Negan loved to provoke her and May loved to take the bait. These little verbal competitions were the most equal playing field between them, and the fact that they usually ended up with a platinum level fuck at the end, well that was just a bonus.

"You haven't seen the survivor side of me, Negan." She let go of his foot and reclined her back to the arm of the couch without taking her eyes from him. "I've told you a million times I can take care of myself, and just because I don't go around swinging a bat and swaggering my ass all over hell's half acre, doesn't mean I can't put someone on the ground when the need arises."

"Oh, I know you're not talking about me," Negan shot at her, but May continued as if he hadn't spoken.

"You also gravely underestimate my ability to blend into my surroundings, so much so that a dog can't even pick up on my scent."

Negan stared at her in a look that was rife with sarcasm and seduction and May had to steel herself from the effects.

"My plan when I walked into this place was to be silent and obedient until I found the best way to escape, and I could have," she leaned forward a little, "and you never would have known until I was long gone."

May stuck out her tongue and wrinkled her nose at him.

"Yet here you are," Negan said, allowing a slow peek of his tongue between his lips. "What happened to your great escape plan?"

"Hmmm. I guess I got distracted." May climbed up his legs and gave him a kiss before embracing him.

"You're getting awfully mouthy," he said low as he nuzzled into her hair. "I may have to punish you one of these days."

May bounced on his lap. "Oh boy!"

Negan laughed. "God, you're a fucking monster," he said as he draped his arms around her waist. May kissed his cheek and held him close for a while, kissing him along the side of his face before blindsiding him.

"Honey, will you tell me about Lucille?" she asked.

Negan's body tightened in her arms and he backed away. "What the hell?" he said, his face taut but expressionless.

Negan looked away before tapping his fingers on May's sides then putting her off of his lap. He slumped back onto the couch and when May surveyed his face, his countenance was dark and brooding. Instead of encouraging him to open up as she'd intended, May's prying had only succeeded in making him miserable. She opened her mouth to detract her question, to tell him he didn't have to answer, but Negan spoke before she could start.

"Lucille was my wife," he said. "She had cancer and she was dying when the turn happened." Negan rested his head on the back of the couch and stared at the ceiling, his mind transported to another place and time. "I barricaded myself in her hospital room when shit went down. God, I thought when she started moving again that she hadn't really died, and for a moment, I was just so relieved she was alive. But, it didn't take long to realize what she'd become."

Negan raised his hand in a gesture of hopelessness before letting it fall onto his lap. May's heart ached for him and she reached out, but pulled back when he raised his head and his eyes flashed at her in defensiveness. "I was a shitty husband when she was alive, and an even shittier one when she died, which should act as a nice little Public fucking Service Announcement for you, doll face."

May took his hand in hers despite his sharp tone and spoke softly in return.

"The last time I checked, you're not my husband," she said, "and I am certainly not one of your wives. And whatever this is," she moved her finger to point between the two of them, "you're pretty fucking good at it." May leaned back on the couch next to him and they both gazed up at the ceiling. "I'm really sorry, about Lucille. If I can ever help..."

Negan cut her off with a nod of his head.

After a few minutes, he sat up. "You really don't want to be one of my wives?" he asked, changing the subject and lightening the mood with one of his magnetic smiles.

"Oh, fuck no, Jesus," she said. "No, I'm waiting for the position of queen to open up. I think I would be badass at that co-ruling shit." May moved her face in close to his and ran her hand up his thigh. "The king may rule the kingdom, Negan, but it's the queen who moves the board."

"Holy fuck," he said. "I love it when you talk dirty." Negan tried to maneuver her down onto the cushions, but she put her hand on his chest.

"Speaking of talking dirty," she said, "I have a goddamn 100 watt light bulb of an idea."

Negan groaned. "Oh GOD. What kind of ninth circle of hell have you dreamed up this time?" he teased. "And I swear to fucking fuck, if it has anything to do with weed, I am going to crack my belt across your lily-white ass."

"Hey, ok. First of all, don't make promises you're not going to keep. And secondly, do not even diss my genius growing operation plan, because people would come from miles around, and give up their grandmothers, for some smoke."

"What the fuck do I want with someone's grandmother? Is she hot?" Negan asked. "Besides, I think you're just a fucking pothead, and..."

May put her hand over his lips.

"We should run away," she blurted out.

Negan took hold of her wrist and removed her hand from his mouth.

"Run away," he repeated. "And where would we run away to? The whole world's just one big shithouse, so one place is going to be pretty much like every fucking other."

"Not if we go to Wyoming," she said.

"Wyoming?!" Negan shook his head as his eyes lit with amusement. "Dear god, May, what in the fuck?" He rubbed his thumb and forefinger over his eyelids, then smirked. "I know I am going to regret asking this, but I just can't help myself. Why in Sam Hell would we go to Wyoming?"

"For your information, Negan, Wyoming is the least populated state per square mile in the continental United States. Fewer people equals fewer dead people. Fewer dead people means..." May let her explanation trail off. "Plus, have you ever been there? The landscape is beautiful. I was almost ready to go, I just needed to steal a car, but then I was snatched up by your band of hooligans," she said. "Isn't it strange? If I'd have gone just a few days earlier, we never would have met. Must be fate." May's eyes widened. "Hey, it is fate. You're supposed to come with me."

"I'm not going to Wyoming," Negan said, "and you're not even allowed to leave the compound, so you're not going to Wyoming either, with absolute fucking certainty." May opened her mouth to respond, but Negan interrupted. "Sorry. Fate can be a dog-bit fucking bitch sometimes, sweet girl."

May frowned and Negan brushed his lips against hers, scratching the soft whiskers of his beard across her chin. "And you know, you never really struck me as the type of girl who would want to be queen." He kissed her again, holding her so close she could feel his heart beat.

"What is it you really want?" he asked.

Negan rarely asked her what she wanted, but May had no doubt about her answer. What she longed for, more than anything else, wasn't to be his queen, or even his wife. All she wanted was for Negan to love her.

May studied his face and fear forced her to abandon such a risky declaration and go with her safer, second choice.

"Well, I wouldn't mind being your favorite," she said.

Negan's brow lifted. "Oh you are so that." He caressed her back with gentle hands then gave her a quick peck on the lips. "Time for bed," he said.

He stood and gave her his hand. When May was upright, Negan encircled her waist and lifted her up. May laughed as her feet dangled, bumping against his shins as he walked to the bed.

"Stop manhandling me," she said, wriggling and pushing against his shoulders in feigned protest.

"You're going to think manhandling here in a minute," he smiled.

Negan held her tight as he bent over, easing her down into the welcoming comfort of his bed. He was poised to lower himself on top of her when she said, "You know, you can be really sweet sometimes."

Negan's eyes darted away then came back to hers. "You should know, May" he said, "as many times as my dick's been in your mouth."

May leaned her head over to study him, then lifted her chin. "You can try to hide it all you want, but Sweet Negan is in there, and sometimes you just can't fucking stop him from coming out."

Negan was set to pounce on her until she opened her arms.

"Now, come here," she said, her voice and body beckoning him to fall into her.

Negan hesitated, realizing that despite every crumbling wall he had built against his feelings for May, all he wanted to do was to surrender. He dropped into her arms and she cradled him, kissing his lips, wrapping herself around him, professing her love.

Negan's mind stopped and he surveyed the moment. He wanted to soak in as much as he could about everything happening around him and within him, so he could tell May, when one day she would ask him the inevitable question...

"Honey, when did you know you were in love with me?"

***

Negan touched May on the side and shook her, causing her to sit bolt upright in bed.

"What the fuck," she said, jolting wide awake.

"I need to show you something." He switched on the light and she squinted.

"God, Negan, I thought we were under attack." She put her hand to her chest and let out a long breath before her realization of what he'd said snapped her back to the moment and she turned her full attention on him.

"Listen to me, May," he said.

She closed her lips tight and nodded.

"There's shit I haven't told you." Negan didn't continue, he just tossed a pile of polaroids onto May's lap and looked away.

She picked up the photographs and went through their carnage one by one. Each picture was of a man, with what was left of his head resting in a large pool of dark blood. The scenes were gruesome, but May wasn't surprised by them, and she had little reaction to their gore.

When she'd finished taking them in, she leaned over and laid the pictures on Negan's nightstand.

"You are many things, but pretentious is not one of them," she said, startling Negan enough for him to snap his head in her direction. "A man like you is not going to carry around a weapon like Lucille and not fucking use it."

Negan moved his head to the side and leaned in, watching her closely. "May, I bashed those people's heads in so I could grind their groups into submission. So I could take from them. I'm not ashamed of it, but shit, I figured you'd at least have some, I don't know, fucking misgivings about the whole fucking thing."

May shrugged. "Why do you do it?" she asked.

"Does it matter?"

"Fuck yeah, it matters. Why do you do it?"

"To keep my people alive," he said.

"Well, that's good enough for me." She patted him on the leg. "Can I go back to sleep now?"

Negan leaned back, and when he spoke again, his voice was a notch or two louder than before.

"Goddamnit. Half the time I can't get you to shut the hell up and now all you have to say is 'can I go back to sleep'?"

May put up her hands and shrugged. "What do you want me to say? That I think you're a cruel, evil, heartless bastard and you've broken my heart and all that bullshit? Not going to happen." She leaned forward and touched his cheek. "I still love you," she said, "and you're not going to get rid of me that easy." Her face grew serious before she continued. "However, I do think the whole iron to the face of your own men might be going a bit too far," she said, pulling the sheet up and tucking it around her, "but, whatever, you're the boss."

"Who fucking told you about that?" Negan's jaw tightened.

"No one told me," she said, "I overheard some people talking about it weeks ago. Now, in their defense, I was eavesdropping, so it was my fault and not theirs."

"Oh, so you've been slinking around here and spying? I see. And why didn't you think to mother-fucking tell me you knew about the iron?" Negan asked.

"I just did. Just now. Weren't you listening?" May gave him a sarcastic grin then let it fall as she sighed. "Because you hadn't told me yourself. I figured you didn't want to talk about it, so I didn't bring it up. I know that doesn't always stop me, but...I should have told you. I'm sorry." May picked up Negan's hand and played with the knuckles and tips of his fingers as his face softened.

"Besides, I could ask you the same question. Why didn't you tell me before? About all of this? And why bring it up now?"

Negan let out a sigh and adjusted her hand into his, taking his time to form an answer. "I didn't tell you because there is this light in you that hasn't been dimmed at all by the fucking, bloody mess that's all around us. I wanted so much to keep that sweet girl inside of you safe, and keep her here with me..." Negan slanted his gaze up to the ceiling then dropped his head to look at her, "...but, it just didn't seem fair hide it anymore so, here we fucking are."

May's love for Negan flooded over her like the caressing tides of the sea. She raised up onto her knees and put her hand on the back of his head before placing her wet, open lips to his mouth. She pressed her body against him, her need to feel him as strong and as integral to her as her need to breathe.

She explored his mouth, allowing her tongue to play in sensual circles around his until she broke their kiss. "I'll stay this way," she said, placing a gentle kiss on his forehead and moving her hand to the side of his neck. "Just for you."

May slid her hands down his chest and underneath his t-shirt, letting the tips of her fingers graze his torso as she raised the gathering material to his chest. Negan reached back and over his head, grasping his shirt and pulling it up and off and discarding it on the floor. She looked him up and down, the desire to please him overpowering her senses and dizzying her thoughts. She placed her palms on his chest and pushed lightly, putting his back to the bed. She moved up his body and straddled his abdomen, resting against him so he could delight in the feel of her skin.

May caressed the hollow of his neck with her tongue, then kissed him in a slow crawl to his ear. "God, I love the way you taste," she whispered.

Negan's chest vibrated against her as he growled and the sound traveled straight to her core, lighting her on fire.

May kissed down to his chest, undulating her body on top of him until her knees rested on the bed beside his hips. Negan took her ass in his hands and held her still. He pressed his crotch between her legs and moved against her until the friction drove her to wanton madness.

May sat up. She unbuttoned Negan's pants and pushed them off, waiting for him to look at her before she straddled him again and slid him inside. She closed her eyes as she moved around him, watching fireworks as they went off and then fell, left to burn unseen and hot inside her.

Negan reached for her, gliding his palms up her stomach so he could squeeze and play with her breasts. She put her hands over his, deepening his touch and watching his eyes close and his breathing increase as the sensual tension built within him.

When Negan's eyes opened, May took hold of his forearms and pulled him to her. He placed his hands on her sides, nuzzling his face between her breasts and placing tender, butterfly kisses on her skin. May slid her fingers into his hair and whispered his name. She rotated her hips in small circles and Negan reached between their bodies to touch her, but May stopped him.

"Nope," she said, "this is all for you."

May rocked her hips, slipping herself farther down onto his cock and causing both of them to take a sharp, inward breath. She locked eyes with him and fucked him in a slow burn, never allowing her gaze to leave his until his head hung back in pleasure. May adjusted herself forward and draped her arms over his shoulders, dragging her nails in a long, deliberate climb up his back. Negan moaned and shuddered. May put her hand on his neck, softly stroking his throat with her thumb as she spoke. "I wanted you the moment I saw you, Negan" she said. She glided her fingertips down his chest, a thin film of sweat making his skin cool and slippery under her touch. "And you have utterly ruined me for anyone else."

May increased her speed, moving Negan hard and deep inside her and forcing him to the edge of release. She opened her mouth against his neck. Her breath played over his skin as she clutched her wet flesh around him tight and implored him to cum for her.

The force of his hips as he climaxed nearly toppled May from his lap, but she clung to his sides and rode the waves of his body until he collapsed back onto the bed, out of breath and shivering.

May laid down beside him, placing her hand over his heart and playing with the dark, damp hairs as they clung to his chest.

"Wow. What in the depths of hell and fuck was that?" Negan's laugh was dry and cracked as he spoke. "Not that I'm complaining."

"You better not," she said, giving him a delicate kiss on his temple.

Negan's eyes opened and fell in heavy, slow motion and May rested her chin on his shoulder.

"My Sweet Negan," she said.

"Don't fucking call me that," he smiled. "At least not in public." His whole body relaxed and his eyes dropped closed.

May tugged on the sheet, covering his body up to his shoulders, then she waited and watched him for a few minutes before speaking.

"Negan?" she whispered.

He remained still. His quiet reassured her he was asleep and emboldened May into a stark confession.

"I lied to you earlier, when you asked what I really wanted," she said, in a voice so low even she could barely hear it. "The truth is, all I want is for you to love me. I didn't tell you before because I was so afraid. I was afraid you would tell me it was never going to happen and I might as well get my faery tale, happily-ever-after head out of the fucking clouds before I got hurt." Tears formed in her eyes but she fought them back before they were lost down her cheeks. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you the truth when you asked," she said, "and I know you don't like me to hide what I'm thinking from you, but I'm sure you'd understand, if you knew."

May reached over him and shut off the light. She turned and settled onto her side, snuggling her head into the comfort of her pillow.

"I love you so much, honey," she said.

May jumped when Negan's hand fell onto her hip.

Oh god, he's awake, she thought. He must have heard.

"You tricked me," she said without turning over.

Negan adopted a comical, Scottish accent and squeezed May's hip, "Well, you're one to talk about tricking, you wee, eavesdropping mongrel."

He paused for a moment before speaking again, this time in a low, serious tone. "I need you to always tell me the truth, regardless of the consequences. Promise me."

"I promise," she said, her bottom lip protruding.

"Now, I just have one more thing to say and we can consider this matter closed and put it behind us."

May nodded but was unsure if Negan saw her in the dark. He placed his hand lightly on her arm and she turned over. Negan grasped her chin between his thumb and forefinger and spoke, "I love you, May. I love your faery-tale mind and your smart mouth that always makes threats your cute, little ass can't keep. I love how your face lights up and how you smile when I walk into the room. I love that you are never afraid to fucking tell me off, or tell me you love me. I love that you're sweet and I love that you're rebellious, and I love a million other little things about you that you are probably totally fucking oblivious to..." Negan flashed a devilish smile. "Oh, and I also love fucking you. And when I say love, I mean I really, really love fucking you."

May was speechless and Negan took advantage of her quiet by continuing. "And now that I've said it, do not expect to hear this lovey-dovey horseshit all the goddamn time. I've given you a list as long as my dick of reasons why I love you and that's just going to have to hold you for awhile."

May flung her arms around Negan's neck and rained kisses down on his face. "You don't ever have to say it again."

"Yeah, yeah, we'll see how you feel about that in a few days." Negan stilled her in an embrace and moved the backs of his fingers in a whisper down her cheek. "You are so beautiful," he said.

May bit her lip and her cheeks blushed pink and nearly glowed in the dark, then the corners of her mouth lifted in a tender smile. "So are you," she whispered.

Negan shook his head. "You are something else."

May lifted her eyebrows and her eyes widened.

"Oh, Jesus creeping Christ," he muttered.

May giggled. "What? Hey ass, I didn't say a fucking thing!"

Negan leaned his head back in pretend exasperation then he nuzzled the tip of her nose. May stole a quick kiss. He held her chin between his thumb and forefinger again and caressed the skin just below her bottom lip. His eyes and smile shone as soft as his voice.

"God, I love you," he said, studying her face in the near dark, "and I think I might just be, the luckiest man in the whole world."


	7. Lips Like Sugar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lips Like Sugar - Echo and the Bunnymen  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q2M8hLZ2ESs

Negan sauntered down the hall, twisting his wrist so Lucille twirled in grand circles at his side. He whistled a tune as he walked and commenced plotting out the course of the rest of the evening in his mind. The first thing he would do when he got to his bedroom would be to have a drink. Then he would take a shower, eat the dinner May had cooked for him, and finally, he would take his favorite girl's fine ass straight to bed.

Thinking about such things made Negan smile. He raised Lucille and looked at her as he walked in slow steps down the long corridor. He laughed to himself, and although he wasn't much for counting his blessings, Negan couldn't help but utter a quiet, "Yeah, life is pretty fucking good, babe," to Lucille's wooden, wire-wrapped form. "Pretty, damn, fucking good."

He entered his room and was about to call out to May in a raised voice, when he noticed her sleeping on the bed with her back to him. Negan closed his mouth and shut the door, bracing it with his hand so the closing made no sound. He turned around and his eyes followed the sweeping curves of May's body as she lay sleeping. She was wearing one of his most favorite outfits on her; a white tank top and soft, drawstring pants with a hugging Snoopy and Woodstock emblazoned on the thigh. Jesus Christ, and those white, fucking ankle socks. One had slipped down over the slight crook in the ankle of her left foot and Negan lifted an eyebrow and shook his head.

If May didn't dig Negan's thing for her feet, she never let it show. He wasn't a fucking fiend about it or anything, but a nice, leisurely foot fuck every once and a while made him feel right as the mail, and his dear, compliant girl had eagerly obliged him without question.

Goddamn, he thought, no wonder I fell in love with her.

Negan resisted the urge to wake her up. He slid his hand from his glove and shrugged out of his leather jacket, placing them both on one of the sofas along with a gentle laying down of Lucille on top. He skipped the planned drink and crept to the bathroom, shutting the door quietly behind him.

A fresh towel and clean clothes lay in a pile on top of the sink, along with a brand new bar of soap. Negan scanned the items and immediately noticed some things were missing. May had forgotten his razor and the can of shaving cream, painted white and bright red like a barber's pole. It wasn't like her to overlook a detail like that, but Negan shrugged it off and opened the mirrored medicine cabinet, where he found her note.

I didn't forget! I just really love the beard. It's sexy as fuck!

May had drawn a wide smiley-face with its tongue hanging out and a big, shiny heart beneath her curved print. Negan's whole face smiled. He closed the mirrored door and caught his reflection. His happy expression startled him a little. He hadn't seen that man in the mirror in a long, long time. Like he was his old self, back when he and Lucille were happy.

Negan filled with guilt at the thought of his wife. Old regrets surfaced along with the new shame of allowing himself to love May, and expressing those feelings to her, out loud. May had been true to her word, though. She hadn't expected his constant declarations, but she still told him, every night, that she loved him. Sometimes he said it back, which usually won him a long, ball-draining head session before going to sleep. Not that that's why he said it, of course, but he certainly wasn't going to say no to an invitation from that mouth.

Negan turned the shower on and undressed. He looked at himself in the mirror one more time as the bathroom filled with swirling, billowing steam. He may not be ready to forgive himself for Lucille, but there was no need to start piling up a string of regrets with May.

His guilt eased a little as he ran his hands along his beard, thinking he would keep it for a while, just for her.

Damn, that woman owes me for this, he thought.

The idea had Negan smiling again.

"May, get in here," he called out to her.

Less than a minute passed before the door opened. May walked in rubbing her eyes, then stopped when she caught sight of him. Her gaze snapped wide open.

"Wow, looks like I'm a little late to the party," she said as her eyes moved over Negan's body.

"No, sweet girl, you are right on time." He swooped his arm around her back and pulled her against him, leaning into her until her back curved above his arm. She loved it when he held her like that.

"You're going to take a shower with me," he said, slipping his hand down to her ass and squeezing tight.

"Oh well, I already had a shower," May said, running her fingernails along his arm. "So, I think you're on your own for this round." She patted him on the chest then spun her back to him and teased at escaping from his arms.

"Where the fuck do you think you're going," he said, walking backward with her in tow. "You're getting wet whether you like it or not."

"And, in more ways than one," she snickered.

Negan plopped her feet into the bathtub and climbed in, closing the curtain and sealing them inside the warm cocoon of steam and water. He adjusted her position under the shower head so it poured over her shoulders and plastered her shirt to her like a second, transparent skin. Negan filled his eyes with the sight of her. He pushed his body against hers and slid his hands between the two of them, caressing her tits until she purred. She lifted her head and latched onto his lips with her own, waiting for him to slide his tongue inside her before she responded with a greedy, thorough exploration of his mouth. Negan gathered the thin material of her shirt in his hands and pulled, ripping the top down the middle and pulling it from her body.

May stopped kissing him. He backed away, seeing her face was tinged red and her eyes looked up at him in surprise. She bit her lip.

"Fuck, May, you keep biting that lip and I'll have to rip the rest of your clothes off."

May blinked, then giggled and raised her shoulders. Negan bent and yanked down hard on May's pants, the force dragging the waistband, along with her drenched panties, down to the tops of her thighs. He went to his knees in front of her, grazing her skin with his fingers as he pulled her wet clothes the rest of the way off and discarded them over the edge of the bathtub. Negan stared at her pussy as he removed her socks and May adjusted her body, spreading her legs and tilting her hips to give him a clearer view.

"Little Miss Innocent, my ass," he said.

Negan slung her knee over his shoulder and nestled his face into her sex, kissing her on her wet, opening lips. May's leg almost gave way but she restored her balance and lifted her hips, moving them in urgent circles against his mouth. Negan grabbed her ass and stiffened his tongue, pushing it more than halfway inside her. He wriggled and curled against the slippery walls of her cunt and a shudder went through her, radiating all the way up to her head and down to her toes. He scratched and dug his whiskers into her, pushing her lips apart until he made contact with the sensitive, pink flesh underneath. May moaned and held on to the back of his head as her entire body shook again.

Negan figured if he didn't get his face out of her pussy this minute she was going to cum, and there was no way he was letting her off the hook this early in the game. He withdrew from her and May whimpered pitifully.

"So that's why you like the beard," he said, looking up as he played with her.

"Well, it certainly doesn't hurt," she breathed, "but I'd much rather be having it done to me than jaw-jacking about it, so get back in there, Soldier." May tilted her head and smiled as she gave him an encouraging, patriotic gesture of her arm.

"Oh, you asked for it," Negan growled.

He rose to his feet and pushed her against the shower wall with his body. He picked her up by the backs of her knees and she wrapped her legs around him and clung to his arms. The hot water drummed against Negan's back as he took her ass in his hands and thrust forward, plunging his cock inside her.

Negan settled into a fast, deep rhythm and May embraced his shoulders, rubbing the side of her face against his. She nuzzled into his cheek, letting his whiskers move in a light whisper across her lips. A low, sensual sound escaped her and Negan felt her smile against his skin.

"That's why I love the beard," she whispered.

Negan moaned her name and drove deeper into her. She made a loud, pleading sound, and within seconds, she began to climax.

Negan pounded her harder. He kept her on the high wave of her orgasm until he came himself with his head flung back, his eyes closed, and the force of his body pinning May to the wall. She held onto him tight until his shudders subsided, then kissed him hard on the mouth.

"Are you hungry? Your dinner's ready," she said with a smile when they parted.

Negan let her legs fall from him and stared down into her face. Small droplets of water collected in her eyelashes and on her cheeks, and Negan thought she looked positively stunning, and ever so sweet.

"I am famished," he answered, kissing the top of her head.

May got out of the shower and grabbed a towel from the rack and wrapped herself in it. "Hey, you forgot your soap." She picked up the bar and tossed it to him and he caught it in one hand.

Before he closed the curtain, he watched his sweet girl's profile as she wiped the mirror with her hand then brushed her wet hair. The steam twirled around her and she looked like a woman in the mist of some beautiful dream, smiling softly at her reflection and filled up with love.

Goddamn, Negan thought, his expression wistful, no wonder I fell in love with her.

 

***

 

May stood at Negan's window, looking out toward The Sanctuary's open, main gate. She heard the rumble of the trucks before they came into view, causing a twinge of excitement to stir inside her, as it always did when Negan arrived home.

Her breathing grew rapid as the cargo trucks entered and stopped, and Negan hopped out the passenger door of the lead truck in the caravan. He pointed with Lucille, barking orders to his men and moving with an animation that May only got to see from a distance. She missed his show sometimes; that Negan – Leader of the Saviors side of him, but she took every opportunity to watch when he interacted with his people, because it reminded her of the first time she had laid eyes on him, and fell hard, fast and directly in lust.

Negan made a grand gesture with Lucille and a lone figure was escorted by two Saviors out of the back of the truck. The two men tossed the unfortunate prisoner face first in the dirt, then grabbed him by the crooks of the arms and brought him roughly up to his knees. May squinted, and leaned forward, her warm breath causing a cloud to appear on the window.

Then her heart leapt into her throat.

"Oh no, oh god," she said, putting her hand over her mouth. She felt frozen in place. She watched as Negan stepped in front of the young, kneeling man and pointed Lucille directly in his face.

May came to her senses as she heard herself wail, then she jumped into action. She fled from the room and down the stairs, running passed workers and around machines until she made her way to the cargo door. As soon as she'd cleared the exit, and the sunlight hit her, she called out.

"Negan, no!" she cried.

Everyone in the yard turned their head in her direction as she ran toward them. If she had spied the looks on their faces, they would have all spoken of shock and absolute fear. The only face that lacked any terror was Negan's. Surprise had hung in his expression at first, giving way to confusion, then anger. But May saw none of this. She focused solely on the young, blond man, whose head had whipped up at the sound of her voice.

When she reached the group, she dropped to her knees beside the kneeling prisoner and hugged him tight, tears streaming down her face.

"Kent ," she barely squeaked out between sobs. "I can't believe you're here."

She rocked him back and forth, holding him tight in her embrace as he cried against her shoulder, but he didn't speak. May was brought back to the gravity of the moment by a bellowing Negan.

"Would someone mind telling me just exactly what the fuck is going on around here?"

May looked in his direction as he buried his fury and plastered a sinister smile across his face.

"I mean, I can tell this is some sort of goddamn reunion and it just warms my fucking heart. It truly does." Negan crouched down so he was eye level with her and leaned forward. "So Tuck, would you mind enlightening the rest of us on just how it is you know this young man?"

Negan bared his teeth and May backed up. She tried to read him, but everything she needed to know was hidden beneath a layer of treachery he had never set in her direction before this moment. May saddened and Negan's eyes relented, just a little, but enough for her to be filled with hope.

She reached out to Negan and put her hand on the arm that held Lucille. "This is Kent," she said, not taking her hand away, even to wipe the tears that still streamed down her face. "He saved my life."


	8. Oh Deed I Do

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh Deed I Do - Shane Murphy  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d2r3PRpchys

Negan lifted May by the arm, pulling her up from where she knelt next to her young friend. "Lock him up," he said, gesturing toward the boy, who remained on his knees, his upturned face beset with confusion.

"A cell? Wait. No." May shook her head. "Negan, why can't he..."

May stopped speaking when Negan started with long steps toward the building and she had to trot to keep up as he kept a firm hold on her arm. Negan didn't let go of her until they had reached his bedroom and both were tucked safely away behind the heavy door.

"Sit down," he said, moving to the wooden bar that stood in the front corner of the room. He reached for a bottle of whiskey but returned his attention to May when she didn't scurry to obey him. The look on her face was dark and pleading, like she was trapped somewhere between her fear of alienating him and the need to rebel against his authority over her. She had no idea what to do, and Negan figured he would help, so he decided for her.

"Sit. Down," he reiterated, and May complied, but not without casting a cold stare in his direction.

Negan poured himself a third of a tumbler full of liquor and drank it down in one slug. He had another. Light glinted off of Lucille's barbed wire as she laid on the bar where Negan had placed her. He rested his palm on the bat's handle then took her up in his hand as he shook his head. Negan set his face in stone and leaned over, dropping his right shoulder, and turning Negan – Leader of the Saviors directly on an unsuspecting May.

"You defied me front of my people, twice," he said, walking slowly toward her as he lifted Lucille to the light and studied her familiar silhouette. "I totally get that you were emotional, but your very loud, very fucking public defiance was possibly the most thoughtless thing you have ever done. You have disappointed the fuck out of me, and now, on top of all the other trouble you have caused over this kid, I have to fucking punish you." Negan strolled the area of the room in front of her as he spoke, his body moving with animation as he punctuated his words. When he stopped talking, he halted in front of May, and took a long look at her. He was only a few feet away from her, and it was apparent to Negan, her eyes were brewing for a fight. When she finally responded, her words were sharp, like pointed daggers.

"That is seriously where you want to start this conversation, Negan?" May said. "After I told you he saved my life, and you throw him into a cell without even hearing me out or giving a shit about how I'm feeling. After all of the total fucking shit storm that just went down, you want to start with I've been a bad girl because I told you no in front of your stupid gaggle of dick-yanking friends? Well pardon me for saying so, honey, but fuck you all to hell." My looked away, but not before it dawned on her that she had stepped, clear up to her hips, in a deep pile of shit. Negan took her cue and threw his head back, laughing out loud. The response got May's undivided attention in an instant.

"Oh, little girl," he said, approaching her with grin a mile wide, "you better be getting on the same page as me really fucking fast or this is going to go so much worse for you." Negan sat down next to her on the bed but he didn't touch her. They both faced forward, unmoving and silent.

Despite his show, Negan hated this whole goddamn bitch of a situation. He should have never brought that fucking kid here, but something had nagged at him at their first introduction and Negan hadn't been able to shake it off. He had made a trade with the leader of the kid's group. No offerings would be due from them for two weeks if they gave him the boy. The small encampment had taken Negan up on this proposition without hesitation, and the deal was done, all because of his gut feeling.

Jesus Creeping Christ, Negan thought. May's whole Age of Aquarius, hippie, psychic bullshit was starting to rub off on him. Negan stayed within these thoughts, berating himself just a little, but allowing plenty of time for May to squirm. She shifted her hips and uncrossed and crossed her legs then let out an exasperated sigh.

"Do you have to piss or something?" Negan asked, his voice clipped short.

"No."

"Then sit the fuck still."

May let her full weight sink into the bed and Negan was relieved. He'd hit her with the punishment now, taking full advantage of this momentary trend toward compliance.

"You will stay in your room for one week," he said. "The only time you will leave your room is when I come get you at night and I will escort you back in the morning. Not one defiant word better come out of your fucking mouth during your punishment or you will buy yourself another week. You will not speak to anyone but me, you will not look at anyone but me and, as a matter of fact, you will not speak to me until you are spoken to. If any of these rules are unclear to you, doll face, now is the time to ask for goddamn clarification."

"Can I see Kent?" she asked.

"Absolutely 100% fucking not on your life."

After a few moments of silence, May stood. She walked to the closet, speaking to Negan as she passed by him.

"Don't bother," she said.

Negan whipped his head in her direction. "What the fuck did you say?"

May had reached in and pulled her backpack from the closet. She answered Negan again, in passing, and with such bold indifference, he almost applauded her performance.

"I said, don't bother." May went to the dresser and opened the long top drawer, taking a few pieces of her clothing and stuffing them into her bag. She slid the drawer slowly back in place with her hip as she continued. "Don't come get me at night. Not for the entire week. That's your punishment."

Negan stood and startled May for a second time with his laughter. "Oh, you are fucking cute as shit," he said. He walked toward her in slow strides, putting his arm around her neck like she was his best friend in the whole world. He spoke to her, as if in secret, out of the corner of his mouth.

"You seem to forget, yours is not the only pussy in this place." Negan licked his lips like a wolf who found himself in the middle of a large, unguarded herd of sheep. "I can always find someone to fuck."

May stiffened next to him then her shoulders slumped slightly forward.

Check and mate, red riding hood, he thought.

But Negan had forgotten one thing in this whole foray with May. She was his sweet girl—but inside her, just as she had said before, there also dwelt a Queen, and Negan had just gone and pissed Her Majesty right and royally the fuck off.

May shook loose his arm and straightened her spine as she squared her shoulders with his. She smiled back, not betraying a speck of weakness in her gaze.

"Oh, I am well aware that I am not the only woman in this compound, Negan," May leaned in close to him, mimicking his buddy buddy routine. "But I don't recall any of your wives busting down the door to get at you since I've been here. So, it kinda seems to me, I'm the only one who actually wants to fuck you." May gave him a wink and then let her smile draw down into a sneer. She sidestepped around him and slung the back pack over one shoulder as she walked out, but not before shooting a final dagger in his direction.

"Have a nice week," she said.

The door shut softly behind her and Negan didn't move. His first instinct was to go after her, bring her back to this room and teach her a lesson about obedience, but he couldn't. He was too angry with her and the last thing he wanted was to cause any further damage to their relationship. Negan cursed himself, but he didn't dwell on the matter. He decided the only recourse he had was to give May exactly what she wanted. She had made her bed and she would have to lie in it, without him. It wouldn't take long for her to break and she would come running back to him, dropping to her knees and doing anything he asked in order to gain his forgiveness.

Negan's anger subsided but his heart ached a little. He looked around the room and thought it lacked some of the color he had gotten used to over the last some months. Negan frowned. He exhaled a long breath and raised Lucille, holding her close to his face as he closed his eyes.

"Oh, Lucille," he said, his voice low and pleading. "Give me strength."

***

Negan awoke in the dead of night to a light tapping on his door. He jumped from his bed, switched on the light and dragged on a pair of pants as he shouted, "Someone better be fucking dead!" to the intruder on the other side. He opened the door with a hard swing, finding May standing before him with her knees pressed together and her fingers winding into the hem of her long, loose t-shirt. She was barefoot, and her hair was askew, as if she'd just awakened and made her way to his room still lightly wrapped in dreams.

"Can I come in?" she asked, so quietly Negan could barely hear her. Her face held a desperate look, half worried and half imploring, and Negan stepped to the side and gestured with his hand for her to enter. She kept her back to him for a few seconds after he had shut the door, and when she turned, Negan almost couldn't bear her expression. It had been ten days since he'd ordered her to her room, and by the look of it, every single moment of every one of those days had piled upon her shoulders and taken to tormenting her.

My poor baby, he thought. Negan hadn't lacked for female companionship in the last ten days, but god, he had so missed his sweet, beautiful girl.

May said his name and ran toward him with her arms outstretched. When she reached him he took her up in his embrace and held her tight. He should probably be threatening to punish her for the way she had left things between them, and just for landing in the middle of his life and fucking up his orderly, perfectly reasonable, happily safe existence. But, he fucking loved her for turning his world upside down, and right now, he just wanted to be near her.

He leaned away and looked down into her face. May's head hung back, her eyes fighting the tears that threatened to surface. She was successful at holding them in, save the one, small drop that escaped and glistened a trail down her temple and into her hair.

"I'm sorry, Negan," May said, her voice and body trembling. She had bent her arms and slid them between the two of them, and her palms rested on his chest. She couldn't look him in the eye. "I don't know what else to say?"

He reached between them and took her hand in his so he could lift it to his lips. "You don't have to say another word, my sweet girl," he said.

May nestled her face into the crux of his neck and Negan put his hands under the material of her shirt so he could touch the bare skin of her back. He'd had to separate himself from his longing for her these last ten days and now, every one of these carefully crafted defenses fell.

He wanted to confess how much he'd missed her, but instead he just turned his face into the light, sweet smell of her hair. May curled the tops of her fingers into the waistband of Negan's pants and walked backward, guiding him to the bed. She sat him down and he reached for her, but she backed away, taking his hands in hers then releasing them so she could take off her clothes. She removed each garment in slow motion, staying just out of Negan's reach so all he could do was watch. She put on one hell of a show, he thought. If this is what time apart and a little punishment got him, he may consider doing it once a month.

Only when she was completely unclothed did she approach him. She sat on his lap and moved her lips across the side of his face. "I love you, and I'm so sorry I said what I said. I didn't mean it."

"Yes you did, and stop fucking apologizing or you'll go back to your room for another week." Negan smiled as he rubbed up and down on her thigh and May tilted her head to the side.

"So you forgive me, then?"

Regardless of how far May had come, and how much she had grown up in their time together, she still craved his approval. This was good, he thought. He would never want to punish the rebellion completely out of her, but this world was unkind and dangerous to people like May, and he would do everything he could to protect her and to guard all he'd built here at The Sanctuary—even if it meant breaking her a little in the process.

"Aw, how could I possibly stay mad at my favorite girl?" he said, brushing her hair from her face. "You are forgiven."

"Thank you," she said. She kissed his lips and ran her hands over his chest and down his abdomen so she could undo his pants. Negan put her on her back and settled on top of her. He studied her face, reintroducing himself to the soft curves of her cheeks, the deep blue of her eyes and the spray of tiny freckles across the bridge of her nose. He leaned in for a sweet kiss, moving his hands across her skin as she breathed out in a long sigh. He reached to his bedside table and switched off the light.

"No lights?"

"Not tonight," he said. "I think I'll just feel my way around."

May giggled in the dark and Negan imagined her face was probably bright pink and glowing.

"I love you, baby," he said, finding the words easier to say under the veil of darkness. May lifted her body, pressing into him. She kissed him slow and deep on the mouth, then nuzzled into his chin.

"Show me," she whispered.

And he did.

***

May awoke to bright sunshine filling Negan's whole room, even to the dark corners, with light. She stretched and rubbed her eyes, still acclimating herself to the morning, when the bathroom door opened and Negan walked into the bedroom adjusting a white towel wrapped low around his waist. His dark hair was wet and combed straight back and May's mouth fell open for a moment at the sight of him.

"You're still here?!" she said when she had regained herself. "You're never here when I wake up."

Negan smiled, rubbing his chest as he walked to the bed. He nestled in beside her and moved his hands all over her body as he spoke.

"Well, hello there, Sleeping Beauty," he said. "I decided to take the morning off."

"You can do that?"

"I'm the boss, I can do whatever the fuck I want."

May grazed her hands down his sides, fingering the wrapped edges of the towel where it rested just above his hips. "Fuck, you smell delicious," she said. She took his bottom lip between hers, and sucked and nibbled on it until Negan stopped her.

"As much as I'd love to fuck you until your head explodes, honey, I need to ask you a favor."

"Yes," she replied.

Negan snickered at her, but she was completely genuine in her answer. "Don't you even want to know what it is first?" he asked as she bent her head to kiss across his chest.

"Nope," she said.

Negan raised her chin so she was looking him in the eye. Her gaze was soft and submissive as she spoke. "I'll do whatever you want."

A slow smile lifted his upper lip, showing off a set of gleaming white teeth. May's heart fluttered.

Dear lord, that man is beautiful, she thought.

Negan pulled her close. He kept his million dollar smile aimed right at May and asked her a question she could have never expected.

"So, my sweet love, how would you like to see Kent today?"


	9. Sweet Child O' Mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sweet Child O' Mine - Guns N' Roses  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bzAGZT_XTAk

"Dear gawd, you're not going to get all starry-eyed and moon-faced on me again, are ya?" Kent screwed his face up in pretend disapproval. "I swear if I hear the name Negan one more time..."

"Oh, hush up," May tossed a pillow at his head. "You're the one who brought him up."

"Yeah, only to say I was surprised the prick put me in a room instead of keeping me down in that fucking hole."

May leaned her shoulder against the wall as she sat at the foot of the bed. "You know this is the best deal you're going to get anywhere, K," she said. "Why don't you just plan on staying? You'll be safe here, and the best part is, we can hang out all the time. It will be sweet!"

"We've had this conversation a million times, Tuck. I'm not a joiner and I don't trust Negan." Kent played with the satin edge of the blanket draped over the head of his bed. He kept his attention focused away from his friend and from the current topic of conversation that had grown stale to the point of frustration.

"I really wish you'd get to know him," May said, drawing out a long breath. "Besides, you were in that other group but you won't join up with me? What the hell's up with that?"

"Yeah, and you can see where that other group fucking got me. Those assholes traded me to your boyfriend for a free, two week pass."

"And he brought you directly to me."

"By accident," Kent said with an exaggerated roll of his brown eyes.

"Nothing is an accident." May put her hand on her hip and set her mouth at a determined angle causing Kent to chuckle and hold his hands up in a gesture of surrender.

He changed the subject.

"So are you still going to Wyoming?" he asked, unwrapping and taking two big bites from the sandwich May had brought him.

"Nah," she said, "the plan's on hold, indefinitely."

Kent chewed and swallowed before continuing.

"What are you waiting on? Hope it's not Negan." He took another chunk out of his sandwich, leaving only the bite still held between his fingers. He chewed, swallowed hard, then popped the final bit into his mouth.

"For someone who doesn't want to talk about a certain subject, you sure insert him into the conversation a lot," May said.

"I just don't think you should put your life on hold for the guy, that's all." Kent shrugged then tapped her on the foot. "I'm just lookin' out for ya. You're the only family I got left."

The corners of his mouth lifted into the smile of a young boy.

"I'm good, Kent, really," May said. "The best I've ever been."

She gave him a reassuring nod and her eyes lit up.

"Awwww....you wanna marry him," Kent teased her. "You wanna marry him and have lots of sex and babies and..."

"You little shit," May threw another pillow at him. When it hit, he crossed his eyes and shook his head, making chirping sounds as though twittering, cartoon birds circled around his head.

"As much as you're an infuriating asshole," May started and Kent bowed as though thanking her for a compliment, "I sure fucking missed you."

They quieted, saying nothing for a few moments, until May broke the silence by bursting into a laugh. "I thought you were dead for sure when you went over that bridge into the river," she chuckled.

"I know, right?! I thought, this is it, this is how I fucking die...Hey, wait a cotton pickin' minute. Why is thinking I was dead so goddamn funny, especially when I went over that bridge saving your clumsy ass?"

"I can laugh about it now that I know you're ok, but Dude, I searched for you for days," she said. "I don't know how many times I walked along the banks of that river, both fucking sides. How did you even survive that?"

"Luck o' the Irish, Tuck," Kent said with his arms outstretched. "Luck o' the Irish."

May grabbed his foot and shook it, then hopped off the bed and went over to the shelf holding the stereo. "Let's check out your music."

She flipped through the LPs on the lower shelf, already knowing every title, as she had chosen them herself especially for him. She pulled the corner of one album out with her fingertip and said, "Close your eyes. Do I ever have a surprise for you." Kent shut his eyes tight and waited for the light, familiar hiss of the needle on the record, then an unmistakable guitar riff began.

"Fuck YES!" Kent said, throwing his head back and his arms into the air. "Oh my god, do you remember when we sang this song?" he said, focusing back on May. "When we camped by that huge lake?'

"I remember. A stellar, acapella version," May added.

"Yeah, that drew all those Biters!"

"I prefer to think of them as fans." May cranked up the volume.

"You know what we need?" Kent said. "We need an encore fucking performance."

They joined in with the song's lyrics, already in progress, and sang at the top of their lungs:

Now and then when I see her face, she takes me away to that special place and if I stared too long, I'd probably break down and cry.

They hopped onto the bed and danced and sang until Negan bellowed from just outside the doorway. "Well what in the motherfuck do we have going on in here?" He walked a few steps in and leaned over to the side, watching them as they thrashed on unseen guitars and sang loud enough for the entire Sanctuary to hear them. "If I would've known there was a fucking concert today, I would have brought my triangle."

They all stopped, shot looks between each other, then doubled over with laughter. When they'd regained their composure, May jumped from the bed, hitting the floor and grabbing Negan by the arm to drag him into the middle of the room. Kent held stage atop his mattress swinging his arms, having switched instruments from a guitar to an invisible set of drums.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, sweet love of mine...

May sang to Negan for a moment, then kissed his chin and turned her back to him. She stayed close enough so her body brushed against him as she danced, and Negan put one hand on her hip, and held tightly onto Lucille with the other.

When the guitar solo came, May stopped moving and watched Kent flailing away as he shook his blonde head. She leaned back into Negan, turning her face to the side and raising her eyes to his.

Thank you.

She didn't say the words aloud, but Negan read her lips and leaned in close. "You are so welcome, my sweet girl."

May kissed him before kicking into rocker chick mode. She danced and sang until her enthusiasm infected Negan, and he too threw his head back and belted out the lyrics in his deep, booming voice.

The song ended and Kent fell down onto the mattress in a sitting position. May brushed back the hair from where it clung to the perspiration on her forehead, and Negan turned his attention to the boy.

"Kid, how old are you? Sixteen?"

"Seventeen," Kent said.

"Seventeen. Well, something tells me you need to get laid. There are a few girls close to your age around here and..."

"Negan," May interrupted. "Can we not whore some poor, unsuspecting girl out to him?"

"Hey," Kent protested, but he could get no further words wedged into the already crowded conversation.

"I'm not whoring anyone. I was just going to point out a few fuckable ones and he can take it from there," Negan shrugged.

"Honey, not everyone is a sex fiend like you," May said, grabbing a handful of Negan's leather jacket and pulling him toward her.

"Well, I've certainly never heard you complaining." Negan put his arm around her and lifted her shirt so he could brush his fingers over the bare skin at the small of her back.

"You guys, GAWD, there's a kid in the room!" Kent said.

May walked to Kent and gave him a kiss on the cheek. "I'll see you tomorrow, Big K. Sweet dreams." She tousled his hair, then took Negan's hand and led him toward the door.

Before exiting the room, Negan leaned over and hid his mouth from May's view before he spoke in a loud whisper. "I'll show ya the chicks tomorrow." He gave the kid a wink and a shit-eating grin and the couple disappeared into the hallway. Negan shut the door behind them with a slam and the sound of a key engaging the lock echoed around the walls of the small room.

Kent hung his head and sighed.

"Christ," he said, "I gotta get outta this fucking place."

***

Negan was already in his bedroom when May entered.

"Hey, sweet girl, where've you been?" he asked, as if he didn't know.

"Just hanging out with Kent."

May walked by and fell onto the bed, landing flat on her back. She laid there, unmoving, and stared forward at nothing in particular. "I'm sorry you had to get your own dinner, honey, I lost track of time."

Negan wiped around his mouth with a napkin and replaced the silver, domed lid over the tray bearing his half-eaten meal. He approached the bed and laid down on his side next to her.

"Not to worry," he said. "I'm perfectly capable of cooking my own dinner from time to time, but what I cannot abide is not getting a fucking kiss when you walk in the door. That will just not do at all."

May's face fell. "I'm so sorry. I..."

"Just be quiet and fucking kiss me," he said.

The kiss was soft and sweet, just like her.

When they parted, Negan took the time to study her face. Straight, vertical lines furrowed the space between her brows, and the corners of her mouth drooped. Her whole countenance was drawn, and a little pale, and worst of all, the light in her eyes had grown a bit dimmer and distant, as if an errant breeze might snuff it out completely.

"Tell me what's wrong," he said.

May reached for his hand and brought it to her lips, kissing the tips of his fingers before speaking. "I'm just anxious, and feeling kinda shitty," she said, bringing their hands down to rest on her side. "It's this whole thing with Kent. I've tried every persuasion I can think of to get him to want to stay, and nothing works. I know you can't keep him locked up in that room forever." May looked away. "All three of us are in absolutely untenable positions. A stalemate. Negan, what if he tries to escape?"

"Has he talked about it?"

"No," May shook her head. "But I don't know if he would even tell me if that were his plan. He doesn't trust you, and maybe not me either." May turned onto her side toward him. "He doesn't want to be here, and there's nothing I can do or say to change it, and I'm worried sick. I have this feeling, like something dreadful is going to happen, if I don't do something to stop it."

He gave her a kiss on the lips, then stroked down her cheek. "Everything is going to be just fine, May. There's plenty of time to work on Kent, and he is going to come around. You'll see. Nothing horrible is going to happen. You need to stop letting your imagination run away with you."

May clenched her fists and her eyes glinted.

Uh-oh, Negan thought. He was half tempted to take cover.

"He is so infuriating. He has no idea how good he could have it and he just refuses to listen to reason. I just want to kick his smug, little ass sometimes."

Negan raised an eyebrow at her and spoke through a wide grin. "Damn, I fucking love it when you get all fired up. I think we should fuck, immediately."

May's glare stayed tuned on him for just a moment, then she laughed—a sweet, lilting sound that melted Negan's heart.

"Did you know he had the audacity to call me 'Negan's Tail' today?" she said, acting insulted. "God! I love the kid, but I almost kicked his balls right up into his throat for that one. Hey, wait one damn minute." May's eyes narrowed to slits and she poked Negan in the chest with her finger. "I know what you're doing. Listen here, Mr. Sexcalibur, you better stop trying to appease my wrath or I'll take my ass, and any opportunity you might have had of banging me tonight, and I'll go straight to my fucking room."

May covered her mouth with both hands. Negan exhaled in relief as a bit of sparkle returned to her eyes and color flooded her cheeks once again.

"No you won't," he said, his tone matter of fact.

May dropped her hands slowly from her face and looked down as she reached to play with the round, silver studs on the collar of Negan's jacket. She got in closer to him, moving her legs so her thighs brushed against his.

"I won't, huh?" She tilted her head and flashed a sugary-sweet smile.

May had been so submissive since her punishment. She had not defied him once, not even in play, and Negan had bided his time, waiting impatiently for the return of his rebellious girl and the cock-wrenching fucks she brought along with her. She moved her lips in close to his, allowing her tits to graze him before she pulled back. "And you and what army are going to stop me?"

"I don't need an army, doll face," he said, moving the tip of his tongue along his parted lips. "I can keep you here with one finger."

May gulped and Negan grasped her between the legs, digging his fingertip into the crotch of her pants until the fabric creased between her lips. He tunneled upward and found her clit, rubbing against her in hard, fast strokes.

"Dear god," she groaned. She grabbed his shoulders and kissed him, coaxing and seducing his tongue into her mouth so she could wrap him in her lips. Light, sensual sounds escaped her until he slid his hand from between her legs and she lifted her hips, trying to follow his touch until he was gone from her.

Negan broke away and looked down between their bodies. He wanted to watch as he unbuttoned her pants and unveiled a pair of black and red lace panties that left little to the imagination. May bent and stripped herself of her jeans, dragging her boots off with them, and tossing the bundled heap on the floor. She slowed as she slipped her underwear barely down the curves of her hips and then stopped before baring herself to him.

Negan put his hand up her shirt and trailed the tip of his forefinger down her abdomen, hooking it into the waistband of her panties. "Are you teasing me, May?" he asked. When she didn't respond, Negan yanked down on the garment with his finger, pulling it out of her hands and staring at her bared sex. May fidgeted but Negan kept his eyes on her. He let her writhe for awhile under his sight before finally demanding, in a gruff voice, that she "take them off". May's cheeks flushed, but she obeyed him, sliding the lacy material down her legs and dropping them to the floor.

"There's my good girl," he said.

Negan reached for the zipper pull on his leather jacket and May stopped him.

"Leave it on?" she asked.

He dropped his hand and May went for his mouth again, draping her arm over his side, wrapping her leg around him and pulling his body to hers. She unbuttoned her shirt and pressed her tits to his chest, dragging the textured lace of her bra against the smooth, heady-scented leather of his jacket.

Negan was certain his dick was going to bust through his seams if he didn't get inside her soon, but May loved an extended dry hump before he commenced fucking her. It drove her absolutely crazy.

Hmm...Bat shit. Fucking. Crazy, Negan thought.

He wrenched her forward and pressed her pussy hard onto the stiff leather of his belt. He moved her up and down, pushing his crotch into her and trawling her exposed clit over rough seams, taut fabric and hard, unyielding leather. He slowed and lightened the pressure as he dragged her tender flesh over the cool, metal buckle that clasped the belt slung low on his waist. May's breath grew rapid and she shook as Negan guided her hips in fast, urgent circles, causing her to cum without warning. She climaxed in a white-hot flash, grinding into him and soaking the crotch of his pants and wetting and warming his hard cock underneath. She took a couple of long, shivering breaths, then met his eyes. Her look was desperate and feral, her release having done nothing to slake her gnawing desire for him.

She glided her hands down the front of Negan's leather jacket and unbuckled, unbuttoned and unzipped her way into his pants. She slid in her hand, tickling her fingers through his hair before grasping him firmly and releasing him from his cage. She grazed her touch to the head of his cock and ran her thumb in a gentle arc over the tip. A trickle of his essence clung to her finger, and she brought her hand to her mouth, licking her thumb clean of him.

"Mmmm," she said, running her tongue over her lips.

Negan let out a groan. He ran his hands up her back and grasped her shoulders, pushing her down and onto him as he ravished her. Her cunt was slippery and tight and Negan dove into her until the head of his sex pounded the farthest wall of her pussy and she grew open and greedy for him.

May's head flung back and a long sound came out of her, starting low in her abdomen and building until her mouth and body erupted in a plaintive cry. Negan sped up, catching up with her climax, and pouring himself into her over and over, punctuating his releases with long, fierce, guttural sounds.

Then everything stilled. They lost all sense of time and the perception of where his body ended and hers began. Minutes or hours could have passed as they laid on their sides, holding each other, and neither said a word until enough of Negan's strength had returned for him to back a little away from her.

"Am I dead?" he said with no expression on his face. May howled, then trailed off into a set of snorty giggles.

"Ok, Chrissy Snow, I'm glad the thought of my fucking demise is so funny to you," he teased her with an unhappy tone.

"That's the second time in two weeks someone has said almost that very thing to me," she said. "Apparently I'm a bitch who laughs in the face of death. Ha! Ha! Ha!" May put her arm up like a superhero and her whole face brightened.

She was back to her old self.

"You look a million times better," Negan said. "I think my fucking may have cured you."

"Oh yeah. You should bottle that shit, honey. We'd be rich." May eyes grew wide. "Hey, have you ever tried fucking a Biter? I wonder if you can bring them back to life with your magickal, healing Negan-fucks?"

He tilted his head to the side and cleared his throat, coming in close so he could speak to her in a low voice. "You are the weirdest, most perverted woman I have ever had the pleasure of knowing," Negan said, as if bestowing her with a royal title.

"Aw. Thanks, honey. You're so sweet."

May played with his beard. "Ya know, I do feel better," she said.

Negan moved his fingers over the scalloped edges of her bra, a perfect match for the panties she had teased him with earlier. "Where did you get this sexy as fuck little outfit?" he asked.

"I went shopping today in the storage room," she said. "I was hoping you'd like it." May looked down at herself then back up at Negan.

"I fucking love it. You look absolutely beautiful. In and out of it."

May beamed and tried to stifle a giggle, but she was unsuccessful.

Negan traced the outside curve of her breast, then walked along the bottom band of the bra with his fingertips. He slid two fingers under the black elastic and up between her tits. He wiggled them around and laughed a little to himself.

"Oooh, I could do a puppet show," Negan said. He bopped the tip of his forefinger over the top of the black and red scalloped edge and said in a high pitched voice, "Who has the tastiest titties in all of Virginia?" He moved his middle finger in reply, rasping and grating the words, "May does," and sending himself into a fit of laughter.

May grabbed the tips of his fingers and Negan pressed his lips together, making noises as if his voice was being muffled by her hand. May cackled.

"You crack me the fuck up. You should go on the road," May said. "Hey, if you need a hand puppet for your act, I volunteer." She gave him a deep wink, then opened her mouth in pretend shock and embarrassment.

"God, I fucking love you," Negan said as he bent his knee so his thigh rested between her legs.

May gave him a peck on the lips. "And I love you."

"Hey, are you hungry?" he asked her.

"A little, now that I've worked up an appetite," she said, "but I don't want to get up. Can I just have you for dinner? I promise you won't regret it if you say yes. I read a very, very interesting book on anatomy, and I was particularly drawn to the part about suppressing the gag reflex. I've been practicing on a cucumber I named Negan. I actually think the skill might come in handy for....something."

Negan let out a groan and gave a reluctant pull away from her.

"Oh, trust me, doll face, we will get to that little science experiment later on tonight. Do not worry your pretty little head about that." Negan stood and went to button his pants but left them undone when his fingers brushed his cold, wet crotch.

"Look what you did. I have to change my fucking pants or everyone will think I pissed myself." He pointed at his groin and cocked his head to the side.

"Hey, you dry hump me at your own risk, sweetheart. You know what that fucking does to me."

Negan got a pair of pants out of the closet to change.

"Where are you going?" May asked. "Do you need me for something?"

"Nope. I'm going to cook you dinner," Negan slid his legs into his clean pants and looked straight at her. "Then, when you're done eating..."

May's mouth dropped open and she feigned the slide of a huge cock all the way to the back of her throat. Negan moved his chin to the side then eased his body to the right in a sensual lean. "You are a dirty, dirty girl," he said.

"It's true," she admitted, "but I'm still your favorite." May's eyebrows raised in a tender expression.

"Oh, yes," Negan said, charming her until she blushed. "My most favorite of them all."

Chapter 10 coming soon!


	10. C'est la Fix

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> C'est la Fix by Jeff Martin and Sarah McLeod - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GTsjwtWa2dg

Negan slid his hands in a light whisper up May's arms as she laid shivering beneath him. Heat radiated from her skin, like the shimmering waves over a hot, summer landscape, and Negan couldn't stop himself from stealing a kiss as his face hovered just above hers.  
"You good, sweetheart?" he said, pulling on the knot and loosening the long red scarf that bound her wrists to the headboard of the bed.  
"I'm fan-fucking-tastic."  
May breathed in long, deep breaths, bringing her consciousness back to earth and blinking softly as she looked at him. Negan slid the scarf from between the wooden slats of the bed and dropped it on her chest. "Now, do I know my girl, or do I know my girl?" he congratulated himself. May took the scarf and lassoed him around the neck, pulling him down and almost to her lips.  
"You most definitely know your girl." May gave his chin a soft nuzzle before Negan rolled onto his side in the dark. They laid there in silence until he touched May's face and she turned all her attention on him. He put his arms around her and started to speak, but stopped when her head leaned back and she groaned.  
"You need some water?" he asked.  
"Nah. It'll pass," she said as she grimaced.  
Rising beads of sweat caused her hair to cling to her cheeks and Negan brushed the loose strands back and away from her paling skin. She swallowed hard and took a deep breath.  
"Ugh, I feel like warmed over shit," she said.  
"Well now, that is exactly what I want to hear after fucking you. Thanks for the ego boost, doll face."  
The corners of May's mouth lifted. "Oh yeah," she said, straining her voice, "because your ego really needs a boost, huh? If it was boosted anymore it would be setting up a colony on fucking Mars."  
"I see you're not too sick to open that sassy mouth of yours," he said, moving her in his arms.  
"Oh fuck, please don't jostle me around," she moaned and laughed at the same time.  
Negan maneuvered out of bed and ran cold water over a washcloth in the bathroom. He brought it out, folding and placing it on May's forehead. He got back under the covers, putting his weight down as easily as he could on the mattress.  
"Better?" he asked.  
"Much. Thank you, honey." She reached up and touched his face but backed off when he grew serious.  
"I have to make a decision about Kent," Negan said, shaking his head. "We can't keep going on this way. The situation isn't getting any better, and it's taking a huge toll on you." He shook his head and raised his hand in a gesture of surrender. "I'm going to have to let him go."  
May didn't speak. It was the best option, one she and Negan had discussed numerous times, but he could see the finality of his decision hit her hard. She gave herself a few moments with the unpleasant feeling, then shook it off and focused back on Negan.  
"How will you do it?"  
"Oh, I so have a fucking plan," he assured her.  
May sniffed back tears, but she also bore a look of resolve.  
"Do you need my help?" she asked.  
Negan leaned down for a kiss then flashed her a smile. "I sure as fucking hell can't pull it off without you."  
***  
Night held its grip over The Sanctuary as Kent was awakened by the unlocking of his door and a growing cast of slanted light shining in from the hallway. A shadowed figure stood in the open door and used their foot to push a large duffel bag into the room, making a light scraping sound across the concrete floor. Without any words the silhouette retreated, closing the door and shutting off all illumination. He waited for the familiar sound of the locking deadbolt, but it never came.  
Kent slid from the bed, crossing to the light switch and flooding the room with harsh, fluorescence. The army-green bag rested at his feet with a note pinned to the top that had been written on yellow, lined paper. He yanked the letter free and began to read:  
LEAVE AT 2:15A.M. YOU CAN GET OUT THROUGH THE EASTERN FENCE, NEAR THE RECEIVING ENTRANCE. STAY IN THE WOODS AND FOLLOW THE ROAD WEST, 300 YARDS. THERE'S A CAR COVERED IN BRUSH W/ MORE SUPPLIES, GEAR AND FOOD. I'LL PUT OFF A SEARCH FOR YOU AS LONG AS I CAN, BUT GET THE FUCK OUTTA DODGE. BEST OF LUCK, KID.  
Kent flipped the note over to a map, showing the highways and byways running north and west that would take him to Wyoming. Tuck's round, wide-set print wrote in a paragraph underneath:  
You remember the name of the place I told you about, right? You'll be safe there, and you'll have everything you need. I wish we could have found a way for you to stay, but I know how unhappy you are, and I can't bear to see you like that, Big K. I love you. Don't ever doubt that. And we'll see each other again someday. I am sure of it. Thanks...for everything.  
A huge, scrawled smiley face punctuated the end of her writing and Kent had to wipe a tear from his cheek. He thought of going to Tuck, right now, but no matter how much he begged, pleaded, or reasoned, she would never go with him—nothing, not even the threat of his absence, could tear her away from Negan. Kent read the note again and looked at the clock on the wall.  
1:11a.m.  
If Tuck were around, she'd say that was a sign.  
Kent hurried, putting on his clothes and shoving the note into his pocket. He may not have trusted Negan to do right by him, but the man would protect Tuck, and that's what mattered. Kent made a silent wish for them to be safe, both of them—Tuck because she was family, and Negan so he could keep that family alive, and make her happy.  
Kent looked around the small room and hesitated for only a moment. He put his mind full force on the journey ahead and readied himself. He threw what he could into the bag and at 2:15a.m., just as instructed, he left his room.  
***  
May watched out the window, her eyes darting back and forth over what she could see of The Sanctuary's eastern yard. Negan stood facing her, his ear close to the bedroom door.  
"Anything yet?" he asked as he listened intently.  
"Not yet."  
He glanced up at the clock. "Not quite time for him, but he'll be coming out soon." Negan pressed in nearer to the door, straining to hear even a slight utterance or some disturbance in the early morning calm of the compound. So far, nothing was amiss.  
"Here he is," May said, her voice raised a little.  
Negan came to the window and followed her gaze to a darkened form slinking behind one of the trucks and peeking around the front toward the fence line.  
"Take it easy, kid," Negan said.  
Two men emerged from the far shadows, walking on their rounds and toting two semi-automatic rifles. They stopped while one lit a cigarette. The shadow's head popped up for a moment, then dipped back down and out of sight.  
"Oh no," May said. Negan took her hand in his.  
"It'll be all right, sweet girl," he said. "The kid's smart. He can do this."  
Negan kept his eyes focused on the two guards, still standing in the middle of the yard, one smoking his cigarette while the other looked up at the stars.  
"God," Negan spat, "no wonder those two are always late. They should have been through this part of their rounds by now. I'm going to fucking..."  
"Negan, you can't ream them out for this or they'll know we were watching," May said.  
Negan's jaw clenched.  
"Can I iron their faces?"  
"No."  
"Can I fuck their wives?"  
"Sure. Can I fuck Jesse while you're busy doing them?"  
"He's nineteen, May."  
"So? You're not the only one who likes 'em young."  
She stuck her tongue out at him.  
"I'll forget you said that, but you better watch your mouth or it's going to get you in a shitpile of trouble." Negan grinned as May smiled up at him.  
She was taking this far better than he had ever expected. She had agreed with his decision about Kent, not that she could have changed his mind, but he'd needed her help and she'd turned out to be the perfect co-conspirator.  
Maybe she would make a great queen, Negan thought.  
They returned their attention to the yard in time to see the two men continue their rounds, ambling off in the direction of the northern perimeter. When they were long gone, Kent's shadow moved around the front of the truck. He crouched low, turning his head to look both ways before crossing the remaining distance to the fence. The boy threw his bag over, climbed through the loose chain-link, and disappeared into the dense, darkened woods.  
Negan and May both breathed a sigh of relief.  
"Well, I guess that's that," she said, lowering her voice while she spoke.  
She crossed her arms and looked down then covered her face with her hand. Negan hugged her, propping his chin on the top of her head.  
"My poor, sweet girl," he said.  
May looked at him, her eyes tearing up.  
"I know you didn't have to do that, honey. You didn't have to let him go. That's not really how you do things when someone doesn't cooperate, is it?" She touched his face. "Do you think anyone will figure out it was us?"  
"Not a fucking chance. I'll just say he must have found out a way to jimmy his lock, and where the fuck were all you lazy-assed motherfuckers that were supposed to be watching the perimeter? It will go down something like that, and no one will be the wiser, and they certainly won't fucking question me. I will have to send a group out to look for him, but he'll be long gone by then. Don't worry."  
May nodded, bringing her hand to her face to brush away her sadness.  
"Thank you," she sniffed.  
"Fuck. For what? I didn't do anything. The kid escaped." Negan gave her a soft smile and cupped his hand under her chin. "I'm sorry about your friend."  
May's sobs came on in full force. She had tried to hold them back, but Negan had watched her eyes as the dam broke, and every pain she had inside poured out and over her cheeks. She cried for the loss of Kent, and for every broken-hearted thing she carried with her, and they all came cascading out in a river of tears.  
Negan held her, letting her release it all in one long, healing cry. When she was finished, he put May to bed and cuddled in behind her. She fell fast asleep and Negan couldn't help but marvel at her.  
May had survived this world, and survived loving him with her heart still intact, only to find herself caught in an invisible tug of war between the two people she loved the most—and she had let one of them go in order to save him.  
Negan was in awe of her quiet strength, whose foundation rested in how deeply and wholly she loved. He stroked the sides of his face and down to his chin, tugging on his whiskers as his thoughts rolled on. He bore no such altruism. He could never let go—not of Lucille, not of May, and not of the Saviors and all he had worked so hard to build. People stayed alive because of him, and he had no choice but to press forward.  
Sometimes, though, Negan wished things could be different. He wished his life could be just the two of them, driving in that old convertible May loved so much, and following the open road wherever it took them...but there were things in life that just couldn't be, and thoughts of them were nothing but a waste of time. Besides, May believed enough in fairy tales for the both of them.  
Negan leaned forward and placed the lightest of kisses on the back of her head and she didn't stir. As he rolled over, a feeling of dread struck, falling on him like a web and entangling his mind. There was no substance to it; nothing but heavy smoke and mist swirling in his brain, with an urgent insistence at the want of his attention. Negan dismissed the sense immediately. The last time he'd trusted his feelings, he'd brought Kent to The Sanctuary, and it had turned out to be a horrible mistake. One he didn't plan on repeating.  
Negan closed his eyes, not knowing there was no feeling, no intuition, and no sense of foreboding that could possibly prepare him for what was to come. He slept well that night, deep and sound, even as a great, black dragon crept up to the outskirts of his life, and waited to move in and burn everything to the ground.


	11. The Scientist

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Scientist - Coldplay - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s70OsXlDD94

May's whimpering awoke Negan at a little after midnight. He didn't open his eyes, he just reached his hand over and shook her arm.

"May, wake up."

She came awake with a start, taking short, rapid breaths as she adjusted to the change in scenery from her vivid dreamscape to the familiar surroundings of Negan's room. She reached down to hold his hand, grasping it tight.

"What is that? Five times now?" she asked.

Negan ticked off in his mind each occurrence of the nightmare. The count was more like seven in just the last few weeks, but he didn't want to say that out loud.

"What do you think it means?" she asked, worry dragging so heavy on her voice it nearly caught in her throat.

"Nothing. It's just your mind fucking with you."

"But I have a horrible feeling," she said as she rolled onto her side to face him.

Negan opened his eyes and stared at the ceiling. "You had a horrible feeling about Kent and that turned out just fine, didn't it?"

"Yeah, only because we did something about it." Her voice trailed off as she spoke.

"I am fucking sick to death of this conversation and we're not having it again."

May shrank back but Negan refused to look at her; he refused to get sucked into this rabbit hole by the scared and pleading look in her eyes.

"You never listen to me," she said, her voice quiet.

"I don't listen to nonsense. Not from anybody and certainly not from you. Now go back to sleep or you can go to your goddamn room."

Fucking hell, he thought, I'm such an asshole.

May sniffled in the dark, then turned onto her side before climbing out of bed. Negan hadn't expected that. She hated being away from him, now more than ever, and her willingness to go to her room rather than stay in bed with him spoke in mad volumes about how much he had hurt her. Negan cursed under his breath as May dressed. She left without a word, casting a momentary sliver of light through the darkness before she was out the door and gone.

Negan had assumed everything would return to normal when Kent left, but instead his absence had set off a disturbing and recurring nightmare in May. In the dream, she stumbles through the burning ruins of The Sanctuary calling out for Negan, only to find him locked in the throes of battle with a great, three-headed dragon. She runs to him and when the creature catches sight of her one of its heads descends with its mouth open, baring a set of sharp, glinting teeth. Negan steps in front of her and the dragon sets upon him, taking him up in its jaws and tearing him apart.

May had said from the beginning it was a warning. She'd insisted they had to leave The Sanctuary, otherwise something terrible would happen to him, and it would be because of her. Negan had been able to placate her at first, but with each new occurrence of the dream her responses became harder and harder to control.

Negan tossed and turned and readjusted his pillow. He pulled the sheets up and twisted his legs out and around them, trying to bring himself some comfort in his empty, lonely bed. Negan finally picked up her pillow and threw it across the room. He sat up and bent his legs, resting his elbows on his knees and rubbing his forehead.

Did she have any idea what she asked of him?

Negan reached back where Lucille leaned against the wall between the bed and his nightstand. He looked at her, touching the smooth wood of the handle and missing her so much more now that May was absent from the room.

"I should have never let myself get involved with her, babe. Fuck. I knew better." Negan lowered his head waiting to hear his wife's sweet voice, but knowing he never would...not ever again. "She is nothing like you. You always knew the exact right thing to do, even though I didn't fucking listen most of the time." Negan pulled her close. "I can't leave my people, Lucille, I can't do it. And I'm so fucking goddamn tired of her pushing me to choose between her and them."

Negan brought Lucille up so she stood straight in the air, then laid her gently onto the bed as he looked off into the gray darkness. However screwed up her thinking was, May truly believed something terrible was going to happen...and not to herself, but to him. In her own strange way, she was trying to save him, and in return he had just dismissed her concerns, hurt her feelings and sent her right the fuck to her room and away from him.

A deep regret washed over Negan. He wasn't certain it was all about May, but it didn't matter. He could fix things with her because she was still here. He could touch her and hold her and hear her voice, and maybe he'd even tell her he was sorry. He would figure out a way to alleviate her fears and ease her mind and things would return to the way they were at the start, when she knocked on his door and gave him everything in the world he had no idea he'd needed.

***

May sat up when Negan entered her room, the dim light from her bedside lamp illuminating her. No smile lit her face at his presence and she remained silent, waiting for him to speak. Negan shook off the sinking feeling in his chest and approached the bed.

"Can I sit?" he asked.

May scooted over, leaning against the wall but keeping her eyes on him. Negan touched her leg and she moved away. She couldn't get out of his reach but her message was loud and clear, and Negan respected her need to keep him at bay.

"I suppose I deserve that," he said.

May bent her legs, hugging her knees to her chest but tilting her head as if perplexed.

"I'm a dick," he started, "You were scared and you needed me and I sent you to your room and..."

"I chose to come to my room," she corrected him.

Negan hated when she interrupted him but he let it slide. "Well, I should have never given you that choice."

May let go of her legs, sliding them down flat as she crossed her arms. "Is this your idea of an apology, Negan? Because if so, you really suck at it."

"I'm sorry," he said.

May's arms fell to her sides. Negan took a chance and reached for her hand and she didn't pull away. "I know you're scared, May, but nothing is going to happen to me. Hell, I'm too much of an asshole to die." Negan flashed her a wide smile, but she didn't respond in kind. Instead, she wrinkled her forehead and bit at the inside of her mouth before emboldening herself to speak.

"Negan, I appreciate your apology. I do," she said, "but you sending me to my room is not the problem. The problem is, you are so stubborn and so sure that you have all the answers you can't even fathom listening to anyone else." May held his hand between both of hers and looked at him as she had so many times before—like she was standing right in front of him screaming, and he still couldn't hear her. "Listen, I know there's a part of you that thinks I'm off my fucking rocker with this fairy tale bullshit as you like to call it, but it's not just that. It's this whole goddamn place." May gestured around the room indicating the entirety of Negan's kingdom. "All empires fall, honey, and one of these days you are going to piss off the wrong goddamn people and poof, everything will be gone." May saddened but no tears came. "And if I'm here when that shit goes down, you'll be gone too, and it will be all my fault. How do you expect me to live with that? With that kind of guilt? I can't do it." May tried to smile, but the expression came off as pained and nearly hopeless. "But if we leave now we can avoid all of that. We can be free." She leaned forward and cradled his face in her hands, "I wouldn't ask this of you if I didn't believe it. I'm just trying to protect you. I love you so much, and I couldn't live with myself if something happened to you and I could have prevented it. Please tell me you understand."

"I understand what you're trying to say," he said, taking her wrists and bringing their hands down to rest on her legs, "but believing something doesn't make it so."

May pushed his hands from her and looked away like a defiant child, infuriating Negan. He continued to speak, raising his voice and causing her to jolt and turn toward him.

"I'm not giving up everything and betraying my people over a couple of dreams and some daft idea of history repeating itself. In case you hadn't noticed, we're not living in that same fucking world anymore. The rules have changed and I fucking make them, and nothing is going to bring me down. Nothing."

"God, you're fucking impossible. I don't know why I try to reason with you," she said.

"What? Telling me to give up everything and take to the road because of one of your fucking premonitions? Sorry doll face, but if that's your idea of reasoning, you fucking suck at it."

Negan's mocking of her words brought a blaze to May's eyes. He thought she probably wanted to hit him, but she never would, so she only shook her head and clenched her teeth

"I'm fucking leaving. You can come with me or not. Frankly, right now, I don't give a shit which, but I'm not going to stand around and watch the great King Negan take a fucking nosedive."

May crawled over him and went to the closet to pull out a pair of pants and her backpack. She slid quickly into her jeans and flicked on the overhead light, moving to the drawers to fill her knapsack with clothing.

"May, we both know you're not stepping foot outside this compound."

"Oh, you just try and stop me," she said, not halting her trip around the room as she filled her bag with supplies. "I'm going to need my tent from the storage room, and a gun, and everything stolen from me when your little troop of fuckwads brought me to this hellhole." May stopped long enough to glare at Negan. "Too bad I can't get back what's been stolen from me since I've been here, but live and fucking learn I guess."

Negan bypassed the pain engendered by her remark and went straight and solidly into anger. He jumped from the bed and lunged toward her, stopping himself short of laying his hands on her. He took the bag from her hand and flung it across the room and roared into her face as she backed up toward the wall.

"You're not fucking going anywhere if I have to tether you to my goddamn bed with a logging chain." May hit the wall with her back but he kept coming, grabbing her under the chin and bringing his face so close to hers he could see himself reflected in her eyes. His expression terrified even him. "No one talks to me like that, especially not some ungrateful fucking brat that has so obviously forgotten her place."

Negan let go of her face but his nearness kept her up against the wall. For a moment he remembered why he had come to her room—to comfort her, to say he was sorry, to fix things between them, but somehow everything had gone straight to fucking hell. He looked down into her face, a mix of fear and incomprehension stilted her expression and Negan loathed himself.

"You can lock me in my room, you can chain me to the bed, you can do whatever the fuck you want to me, but I will find a way out, Negan. Not because I want to leave you, but because I love you." May's anger had been spent and there was nothing left inside her but sorrow and love. "Negan, you want me to understand why you can't go, right? Then, I need you to try and understand why I can't stay."

In the turn of a moment Negan did understand. He understood it all. Not just her perspective, but the whole of their relationship, and how very, very much she had tried to mend his sad heart with her love. A few tears ran down Negan's cheek and May's face filled with momentary shock, then deep sympathy.

"No, oh no, my sweet love, don't cry." She kissed his face and wiped the tears away.

"I don't want you to go," he said. He sounded broken and desperate but he didn't care. If ever he was going to let down his guard and just be fucking honest about his feelings and his fears, now was the time to do it. If he had learned nothing else from his mistakes with Lucille, he had learned that.

"Shhh...don't you think about that right now," May said. "Let's go back to your room." She kissed him on the mouth, seeming suddenly hungry for him. Negan's mind reeled but he grabbed her around the waist, at first thankful for the distraction, and then just wanting her in his bed.

There was something different about May that night. More than just the sensuality of her touch, or the intensity of her gaze, or the way she moved her body to meet his. Something from within her had emerged, and all of a sudden, his sweet girl had grown up.

And Negan fell in love with her all over again.

Later, when they finally parted, Negan drifted into a deep and boundless sleep. One so sound, he didn't awaken when May got out of bed and took one last, tearful look at him before leaving his room.

***

Negan awoke to shouting and the sound of trucks peeling in through The Sanctuary's front gate. He sat straight up, expecting to see May's sleeping form, but her side of the bed was empty.

"What the fuck," he said, anxiety coloring the edge of his voice as he scrambled from the bed and into his clothes. He smoothed down his hair, taking the quickest of glances in the mirror before he grabbed up Lucille.

He opened the door and started making his way with long strides toward May's bedroom, but Negan was stopped by Simon jogging down the hall toward him, a fresh look of worry on the man's face. "Boss, one of our outposts was attacked. We lost a lot of people and guns." The tall, competent man didn't often get rattled, but his breathing was erratic and his eyes were wide like a child's in a sideshow house of horrors.

"How many?" Negan demanded, casting his current worries aside.

"We don't know for sure, but most." Simon's forehead furrowed and his eyes sank like stones.

"I'm assuming those trucks I heard are the remaining people from the outpost?"

Simon nodded and put his hands on his hips.

"Go find out everything and you report back to me." Negan turned to walk away. "Do not come and fucking find me, Simon, until you know who did this."

Simon's "Right, boss," echoed in the hall and got further and further away as Negan set his sights on May's room. He didn't speculate. He had to see for himself and was not willing to accept any conclusion until he got there and...

The emptiness hit him as soon as he opened the door.

The room looked exactly as it did before she had arrived, except for the clear, round vase filled with happy flowers on the counter. For the briefest of moments, he thought maybe she had been a dream, until he saw the white piece of paper folded and placed in the middle of the neatly made bed. His name was written on the outside in large, swooping print and May's silver necklace with the bumble bee pendant lay on top.

Negan walked a couple of steps forward so he could shut the door. His mind switched back and forth between the loss of his people, the loss of May, and the note that mocked him from its place on the bed. Negan finally sat down, picking up the necklace and allowing it to wind delicately around his fingers.

Then he unfolded her letter and began to read.

Dear Negan,

I'm such a coward.

I knew I would never leave if I had to look into your face, or hear your voice when I said goodbye. I'm just so weak and my resolve so easily crumbled, especially when it comes to you.

I don't blame you for needing to stay. You've made promises to your people, and you can't let them down. You're a good man. I think you forget that sometimes, but they are so very lucky to have you looking after them.

And so was I.

Thank you so much for loving me. This is the hardest thing I've ever done, leaving you. Please find some way to forgive me. I know you don't believe me, but I am certain this is the only way I can save you, and the only way for there to be a real chance...for us.

I love you, Negan, and I'll be waiting for you.

I'll always wait for you.

May

Beside her name she had drawn a tall sunflower with big, happy petals. Negan turned the note over and recognized the same map she had drawn for Kent, with roads intersecting and leading west to a big red X.

Negan remained still until two knocks on the door cut through his shock and made him jump.

"Get in here," Negan shouted as he stood and stuffed the note and May's necklace into his pocket.

Simon entered the room, smoothing down the ends of his long mustache and holding his face in a grave expression. "Boss, all are dead but a half a dozen or so, and there's slim pickin's left on the guns."

"Who was it?" Negan said.

"That place under new leadership. Alexandria. Run by some asshole named Rick."

Negan raised his chin and straightened his shoulders. "I'll be right there. I need a fucking minute."

The man let his gaze linger on Negan a bit longer than was prudent. His boss scowled in return, sending Simon's heels clicking at a brisk pace across the cold, concrete floor.

As soon as the door clicked closed everything crashed down on Negan. His anger grew at the loss of his people and a taut grief set in at the realization that May had left him, just like everyone else—just like he knew she would if he let himself love her. Rage boiled somewhere deep inside him as the last vestiges of his wounded heart broke in two.

But Negan didn't shed a tear. He just lifted Lucille, holding her close enough to his face so he could smell the heady mix of wood and metal, and the cool hint of blood.

Negan shut his eyes, shaking his head once to rid himself of his dark emotions. He had to get it together. He had a job to do. He straightened his body up to its full height and conjured Negan – Leader of the Saviors. He whistled through a smile as he started toward the door, in the cool strides of a man who has no particular place to be and the entire day to get there.

Negan didn't make it out of the room, though, before his façade slipped. He stopped in mid-step and pivoted around, raising his bat and striking down on the glass vase holding the bouquet of blooming, purple flowers. Once he got started Negan couldn't stop. He tore through the room, gritting his teeth and twisting his face in rage as he and his beloved Lucille demolished everything in sight.


	12. Into My Arms

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Into My Arms - Nick Cave - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gxAOL_w2Ujo

Negan turned onto his back and stared into the hollow darkness of his room. He ran his hand down his arm, still slick with sweat, and listened to the sound of his young wife's breathing as she laid beside him, not uttering a word. Nights were definitely the hardest, and no matter how fantastic it was getting his dick wet with a different woman every night, afterward, his thoughts always turned to his sweet girl. Negan reached for his wife, thinking maybe he could recapture something of what May had taken with her, but the woman stiffened at his touch and Negan retreated. "Get dressed and go back to your room," he said. She let out an audible sigh of relief.

He would get used to that again, he supposed. Eventually.

Negan climbed out of bed and crossed to the window. He waited for the sound of the door to signal the woman's exit, then opened the blinds to the shimmering, silver light of the full moon. Negan's eye caught the smoke from a campfire, billowing above the trees not more than 200 yards outside the compound. Ten nights in a row he had watched as this last remaining slip of May's presence rose over the treetops, and he wondered why she waited.

He watched the smoke rise and mix with clouds, hanging dark and heavy with a coming storm. Negan hoped she wouldn’t be afraid out there all alone. Negan remembered being awakened by lightning or a loud clap of thunder and finding May cuddled against his back, feeling by her breathing that she was fast asleep. He so wished he could make her feel safe like that again, but he had to let her go, if for no other reason than it was what she needed to do, and he loved her too much to try and stop her.

A soft rain pattered against the window. Negan went to his bed, pulling the covers up under his chin and entering a sleep filled with the most vivid of dreams.

First he dreamed of Lucille, standing in a beautiful garden full of budding honeysuckle and dark, red roses. She caught sight of him and waved, but before Negan could reach her, she and the garden faded away, leaving nothing behind but the scent of flowers and the sight of his beloved bat, laying broken and bleeding in the dirt at his feet.

He dreamed of battling a great, three-headed dragon as The Sanctuary burned around him. He slashed at the beast with a sword, but the creature grabbed him up in its taloned feet and took flight. Negan watched the ground moving swiftly and far beneath him as he dangled from the dragon's razored claws. He heard screaming, realizing soon and to his horror that the sound came from him, and then everything swirled and turned, and his whole world faded to black.

Finally, Negan dreamed of May. He stood at the edge of a field of young sunflowers, watching as she moved among them and the bright, yellow tops brushed softly against her thighs. She grazed the delicate petals with the tips of her fingers and looked off into a shimmering, golden sunset, carrying something in her hand Negan couldn't quite see.

When she laid her eyes on him her lips curled up into a shiny, open smile. She broke into a run, calling out his name and jumping into his arms as she wrapped her legs around his waist. She kissed his forehead and his cheeks and the tip of his nose, leaving his lips for last and longest.

"I have something for you," she piped up, jumping from his embrace.

"Is it a blow job?" Negan asked, snaking his arms around her. "Because I'm really hoping it's a blow job."

May gave him a playful swat and Negan kissed her forehead.

"What do you have for me?" he said.

May backed out of his grasp and handed him an old baseball glove, smiling as though she bore a secret. "You're going to need that," she said.

She put her arms around him once more and held him for a long time.

"Honey, I have to go," she said, leaning back and wearing a little pout.

Negan tightened his grip. "I don't want you to go."

"We both have things we have to do," she answered him. She wriggled away and put her hand on her hip, flashing him a big grin. "Will you just trust my fairy tale bullshit for once, doll face? What do you have to lose?"

May tilted her head and reached out to touch his cheek. "I love you, Negan."

He kissed her palm and filled his sight with her, committing her tender soul forever to his memory. "I love you too, my sweet girl."

She patted his chest and turned away, walking into the field and moving toward the dense forest on the other side. When she'd gotten halfway across, she broke into a sprint. She reached the edge of the forest and leapt into the lush green of the woods, disappearing and leaving Negan alone, in the soft, gold light of the setting sun.

***

Negan slid his arms one by one into his leather jacket. He looked straight ahead, setting his face in stone as he zipped the coat to the top of his chest and buckled the belt that cinched the black leather just below his waist.

Tonight he would set all of his plans for Alexandria in motion and their people would fall in line, just like everyone else. They would only have to lose one, unless they made things complicated, and Negan didn't think they would considering all they had to lose. And afterward, when all was said and done, everything would be right again.

Well, almost everything.

Negan walked to the window. He snugged his glove over his right hand and looked above the treetops into an empty sky, devoid of the rising smoke from May's campfire for the first time since the day she'd left.

Negan stood still. His heart ached for May and at the sudden, brutal reality of her absence. He whispered her name but the sound caught in his throat. Snippets of their time together flashed through his mind and he remembered everything; how she had smiled, the sound of her laugh when he'd said something to amuse her, and her eyes. Those round, deep-blue eyes so filled with her love for him.

Negan reached into his pocket, bringing out her bumble bee necklace and the letter she had written him. He walked over to his nightstand and placed them in his drawer, his gaze setting upon the long, red scarf that often found its way into their bed. He took it up and wrapped it around his neck, catching the sweet smell of her for only a second before it was lost to his memory.

Negan would have to lock her away in a deep chamber of his heart. Too much was at stake and his mind had to be clear and his emotions in check. He figured it wouldn't hurt, though, if he believed in her fairy tales just a little, and just in case she had been right all along. Fuck, he hoped she was right, and he hoped that someday he would find her again, and they'd live their lives just like she wanted, in a big, lovely, happily ever after. Negan ran his hand over his beard and smiled at his thoughts, still so affected and infiltrated by May's magic.

Oh, that girl, he thought for the millionth time, that sweet, vexing, beautiful girl. A tear escaped down Negan's cheek and he wiped it away with a hurried hand as he shook his head.

No, she may not have been his queen or even his wife, but Negan had loved his sweet girl, and he thought he would always love her, just the same.


	13. Epilogue

May lit the white candle encased in glass and set it on the sill of the farmhouse's front, picture window. She crossed her arms over her chest, losing herself in the rich reds and golds streaking across the late summer sky. A faint haze loomed in the distance, a sign that a car would soon be rounding the curve in the long, gravel driveway to her home. Visitors were not unusual in this small, farming community and not much had changed since her grandparents had lived here. The solar panels still fed the generator, and the generator kept the home in reasonable working order, just as it did before the world and everything in it fell apart.

The car came into view, interrupting May's thoughts, but it was none she recognized. Strangers rarely ventured here, and when they did you could generally surmise they were up to no good. May leaned forward and squinted her eyes as the car stopped. The driver opened the door and stepped out, rising to his full height and stretching his back as he shook out his long, lean legs. Despite the longer hair and overgrown beard, the languid moves of the man's body caused May to gasp and bring her hand to her mouth. She stayed still for only a moment before her feet took her in a swift current out the front door and down the steps.

The wind blew against her face as she ran to him, his smile wide and his arms outstretched, waiting for her to fill them. Before jumping into his embrace, she uttered a small, happy cry, able to form only one word in her excitement and relief at the sight of him.

"Negan..."

***

"I knew you would come!" she exclaimed as he held her around her back and lifted her off the ground to spin her around.

"Well, you were right, my sweet girl, here I am." He planted a wet kiss on her lips. "Did you miss me?"

May groaned. "Now that is a silly question. Hey, I am digging this new look of yours," she said, playing with his beard. "You look like a rock star." She nuzzled his chin and moved in for another kiss, but was interrupted by a voice calling out from behind her.

"Oh, GAWD, just get a fucking room!" Kent walked down the three steps from the porch, eating a piece of apple pie and leaving a trail of crumbs in his wake as he approached them. "I'm glad you finally got here, maybe now she'll shut up about you. Damn, it's always Negan this, and Negan that, Negan all the time." Kent rolled his eyes and May tapped him on the chest.

Negan reached out to shake hands with the younger man and Kent accepted the gesture with a sheepish drop of his eyes to his feet. "Thanks for helping me escape. Tuck told me all about it. You really saved my shit and I appreciate it."

"I'm just glad you made it, kid." Negan looked up to the white, three-story house. "So you both live here?" he asked.

"Yep," May said, "Kent has the upstairs and we have the downstairs."

Negan drew his eyebrows together. "We?"

"Uh-oh," Kent said, staring off to the side and rocking forward and backward on his feet.

May looked around, shooting her eyes in a different direction to avoid Negan's gaze. "Well, yeah. Kent's upstairs and me and...ummm. Well..." She scratched the side of her hand and pointed to the house and looked back at Negan. "You should probably meet him," she finished, placing her hands on her hips.

"Him," Negan repeated, his smile fading a little. "You're fucking kidding me, right?"

"That's my cue to exit stage left. Nice to see ya, there, Neegs. Glad ya finally made it." Kent went around them and strolled toward the large, red barn that sat behind the house and at the edge of a quiet field of sunflowers.

"Just when were you planning on telling me there was someone else?" Negan said. "And that he's fucking living with you."

"Now wait a minute, before you go jumping to conclusions this early in the game, you need to come inside and meet him." May smiled. She took Negan by the hand and led him through the front door and down a long hallway to a room with the door ajar. Before opening it, she put her finger to her lips signaling for him to be quiet, then they tiptoed into the room.

A white crib sat in the corner and May pointed over the slatted sides, drawing Negan's attention to a chubby infant sleeping under a knitted, blue blanket. She reached in, smoothing down the boy's thick, dark hair and causing his heavy, pouty lips to pucker before his face rested back into a look of peaceful slumber.

"This is Ethan," she whispered. "Ethan Kent."

"Holy fuck," Negan said, keeping his voice down. "Where in the world did you find him?"

May giggled. "Well, it was kinda the other way around."

Negan reached in and touched the baby's foot. "All right. Where in the world did he find you, then?"

May slid her arm around Negan's waist and hung her head back to look him in the eye. "He's your son."

Negan blinked his eyes in quick succession. "No he's not," he said, shaking his head and grinning in disbelief.

"Ha! If he isn't, then they sure chose an odd vessel for the return of our Lord and Savior, because he came out of me and you're the only man I've been with so....yeah, he's yours. For sure." May thought Negan might fall over so she tightened her grip on him. "I guess my moodiness and nausea those last couple of months at The Sanctuary weren't all due to anxiety, but..."

"Did you know before you left?" Negan asked, not able to hide his hurt expression.

"No. I promise I didn't know." May shook her head and reached up to touch his face. "I could have never taken your child away from you, honey. Never."

Negan looked once more at the small, sleeping bundle. "God, he's fucking amazing," he said. He smiled a proud, broad smile and May's need for him ignited.

"And he is exactly like you. Demanding. Refuses to share..."

Negan grabbed May's sides and tickled her until she had to put her hand over her mouth to stifle a laugh. "How much longer will he be napping?" Negan took May by the waist and pulled her to him.

"Probably another hour or so."

"Hmmm. I guess it will have to do." Negan backed May out of the nursery door, plying her mouth open with deep, fervid kisses. She led him to the bedroom and their excitement built, stoked by the familiar taste, smell and touch of each other.

"I've missed you so much, my sweet girl," Negan breathed between kisses.

They sank down onto the bed and clung to one another in an embrace both passionate and full of love. May traced her thumb across Negan's bottom lip and he flicked his tongue against the tip of her finger. He reached to unbutton her shirt and lean in for a kiss, but before he got to her lips she spoke in tender words that fell like music over his needful heart. "I've missed you too, and I love you, Negan. Welcome home..."

***

Negan and May laid on their sides facing each other, unable to keep their hands to themselves after so much time apart.

"I'm sorry you had to bury Lucille, love."

Negan looked off to the side. "It was time. She needed some fucking peace, and that was all I could do to give it to her. I'm good."

His voice sounded final on the matter and May kissed him on the forehead before changing the subject.

"Ok, let me get this straight. So Alexandria, The Kingdom and The Hilltop joined forces against you? How in the fuck did you ever survive?"

"Meh, I'm a charming asshole, what can I say?"

May tilted her head back and laughed, filling Negan up with warmth and contentment. She was still his same sweet girl, and yet, so much about her had changed. Mostly that she was a mother, and the child she bore belonged to him.

Fuck almighty, Negan thought, I have a kid.

As if on cue, a cry sounded from the room down the hall.

"I don't suppose you know how to change a diaper?" she asked with a grin.

"That is one skill I have yet to acquire and I for damn sure don't want to..."

"Put your pants on and meet me in the kid's room. You're not getting out of diaper duty, dad." May gave him a wink and slid out of bed, throwing on her robe and tying it around her waist.

Negan pulled on his pants and followed her. When he got to the nursery she already had the boy up in her arms. The child laughed as he grabbed at her lips, and May nibbled in turn on each of his chubby fingers. Negan had never been as hesitant or unsure of himself as he was in this moment. May threw out a lifeline when she reached her hand out for him and pulled him closer. "Little E, this is your daddy." The boy looked up, making buzzing noises with his mouth until he laid his big, dark blue eyes on his father. The infant smiled wide, showing off two bottom teeth and a mouthful of pink gums and Negan broke down and cried.

"Oh, honey," May said, making a sad face. "I know it's a lot to take in. But really, everything's going to be fine. No, great actually. Everything's going to be great. I promise."

Ethan reached out and grabbed a handful of Negan's hair, touching lightly at first, then pulling with all his might.

"Fuuuuuu....goddaa...son of a..."

"I say fuck in front of him all the time, he doesn't mind," May said, untwining Ethan's fingers from his daddy's hair. "Hey, did I tell you I knew you were coming?" May laid the boy down on the changing table and began unsnapping the legs of his romper.

Negan wiped under his eyes. "Oh Jesus, here we go," he teased her.

"Oh ye of little faith, shut the hell up and listen to this." May unpinned the corners of the baby's diaper and continued. "About a week ago, I was going through things up in the attic and I found an old box of stuff that belonged to my dad. And there was something in there that made me think of you, and I just knew you were on your way."

"What? Like a huge dildo or something?" Negan flashed her a sexy smile.

"No. Although huge, dick-shaped objects do always make me think of you, and certain vegetables, and anything with a big handle, and..."

"Can you get back to your story, please?" Negan interrupted.

"Go look in the closet. On the floor all the way to the right." May dropped the dirty diaper into a pail beside the table and shut the lid with her foot.

Negan's hand searched around in the dark corner of the closet until he landed on what felt like stiff and worn leather. He pulled the mysterious item out and was shocked to find what was in his hand. A baseball glove, just like the one May had given him in the dream. When he opened the mitt, he found another inside the pocket, one small enough to fit the hand of a child.

May lifted their baby from the table and sat in the rocking chair, cooing to the boy and opening her robe so she could feed him. Negan walked to the two of them, kneeling in front and looking between their faces, wondering how he'd ever wanted another life in this world other than the one he had right now. He held up the gloves to May. "I had a dream about this."

"Oh holy hell, look out," she said. "The human bullshit detector has just come over to the hippie side of things."

May looked down, singing softly to Ethan and playing with his fingers as they grasped at her hand. She kissed him on top of the head, told him she loved him, then turned her gaze on Negan. She ran her hand along his cheek and under his chin. "Are you keeping the beard?" she asked, flicking her eyebrows at him.

"No. And as a matter of fact, you're giving me a haircut and I'm shaving this mother fucker off. I feel like I have a goddamn gopher strapped to my face. And it makes me look old."

"If by old you mean sexy as fuck, then I can agree with that." May smiled. "Do you want to hold him?"

Negan nodded. She propped the baby up on her shoulder and gave him few pats, coaxing a resounding yawp from the boy that made Negan laugh.

She stood and motioned Negan to the chair before handing him his son. "I'll be right back," she said.

Ethan and Negan sat alone in the room, taking each other in. "What an awesome little bad ass you are," he said, sending the chubby infant into a fit of giggles. "Good god, you laugh just like your mother."

The child reached up and grabbed Negan's nose, squeezing and letting go until Negan brought him forward and kissed him on the forehead. "I love you, my boy."

May came back in and leaned on the doorframe. "Do you need anything, honey?" she asked.

"No, sweet girl," he said, beckoning her to him and brushing a soft kiss across the top of her hand. "I have everything I need right here."

May ran her fingers through his hair as he wrapped his arm around her.

"You know what happens next, don't you?"

May shook her head and gave him a tender smile. "No. What happens next?"

"Just what you always wanted," Negan said as he held her tight. "We live happily ever after..."

 

And that is exactly what they did.

 

THE END


End file.
